fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckthats how iam feelin totally fucking pissed off i have had euff of it all totally pissed off i cant go on like this anymore wishing each night i wont wake or each day i wont see the night hope wishing that something will happen to me killed drop dead anything to stop this awfull pain i hate seeing the crisi team when iam like this as it just pisses me off having to wait so long and i have seen my shrink and not seeing him till 2008 now i will go see my doctor and not be given anything so iam feel all alone i think my fella wants to finish with me but is to nice to say so i think iam ready to die now as i cant carry on feeling shit putting on the mask for people at work and my mates pretending everything is fine and iam ok i hate it i wanna cut myself to pieces and make myself so sick from putting my fingers down my trought that i sufacate and die i hate feeling like this i just wnat to be what ia cnat and that is normal but i know its inpossible to be that as there is no such word as normal no one is normal but i wish i could feel someting than this as this is all i seem to feel and my life evoles round being this way i miss my dad so much the lucky bastartd killed himself and he is out of pain so why cant i be i have nothing to be here for no bopdy wnats me or can stand to be near me i feel if a person touches me know i well amsorber there fat and be fatter myself i cant handle it its weird i know but its how i feel iam weighting myself all the time and its just not right do that that its like have a crumb weight myself if its a onze over fingers in mouth be sick well thats it for today iam so angry now i have written this i wanted to delete it but i dont have to will powere to do it fuck it all fuck life fuck me
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oh no this is not good that you feel so bad.....im so sorry!!!!! i know that you dont want to do anything but i think that you need to. go to the hospital, doctor, therapist, psyche someone who can help you get through this crisis....you need to get some help so that you can start to feel well again, i know what your thinking but there is alot out there and something will work for you, you just need to keep asking and keep looking until someone listens to you and helps you....
i wish i could be there to give you the hug that you need, but instead heres a big [[[[[hug]]]]] please know that im here if you need to talk....lots of love....jann