well today was a ok day JAcey has been cramped up about 3 hours out of the day so that makes it a good day for him ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,we walked to get groceries and he took us a good hour thre and a good hour back it felt good ,,,,,i dont know why but for the past week or 2 i feel so darn alone i wish the father of my kids was here to help me traugh this but hes out there sing drugs and i know he's sick as well but i just feel like slapping him around and just scream at him ***I FU%$%^ING NEED YOU !!!!THE KIDS NEED YOU  I HAVE BEEN RAISINGTHEM ON MY OWN FOR 7 YEARS NOW AND I NEED A BREAK**having my entire family living 9 hours from here doent help either its like im living a double life when the kids are up i have it all together but when they go to sleep i loose it i crumble into pieces,,,,,oh and **HIM** well  i think his gig is up and i didnt  sleep with him so thats why i think hes being nasty ,,,,and when i thaught i had some one to share some of my life with ,,,,,its all fake  FUCKING FAKE!!i dont want to sound like a baby so i better stop

Beside that my day is almost done so i hope tomorow will be better thanks for every one thats listening me whining about my lilfe ,,,,,,dont get me wrong my life is great im clean and sober now and i have 4 wonderful kids i just would like to have some one to share my life with night night everyu one