SELF THERAPY # 4 Again thank you to all the people who left comments, and strength for me on my last entries. This one is going to be kinda long because it's meant for Tyrone. This is going to be all my frustrations, and things I wish I could say to his face without having to deal with his emotional guilt trip fucking things. Here it goes... CAUTION: MAY TRIGGER CAUTION: MAY TRIGGER CAUTION: MAY TRIGGER Tyrone, You met me when I was in a toxic relationship, and pregnant. Great start.... At the time I was so grateful to have someone in my life who didn't judge me by my fuckups, and tried to do their best to be there for me while I was in a fucked up way. I never meant to grow feelings for you, I wasn't looking for a relationship, and I really didn't need one then. But somehow it happened. I cheated on my then current, and formed a bond with you. In the process I hurt Chippy. That killed me inside, but morbid curiosity made me want to see what a relationship with you would be like. So I stayed. God forgive me, I hurt Chippy so deeply, and I stayed with you. We were great for a year... I couldn't ask for better, but it died from there. You moved in... to my FATHERS house, you ate the food he bought for ME to survive on, you started stealing the covers off of me in the night, then you started hogging the bed, you began ignoring my sexual desires, you moved your TOYS into DADs house, and to top everything off... you moved your clothes into my room, and took over. I put up with it for awhile because I craved that closeness that you offered. But after awhile my will broke, and I broke down to beg you to change. You did... to a point. You moved out your clothes, toys, and movies..... for awhile, and then they all gradually came back. Im stuck. You talk about children, moving in together...... YOU ARE SCARING ME. I am about 2 denials away from either cheating on you or LEAVING YOU. The more I ask you to take me to bed, the more you deny me... the more it HURTS you fucker!!! Why am I with you? Why do I stay? Why in the fuck do I allow you to stay around and hurt me? Im so close to finished... Im tired.
Replies
The only guilt trip you have to deal with is your own.
You should not have to ask him to take you to bed. You do not have to ask for his love. It is better to love yourself.
I am thinking of you.
I find it sad that I have to beg for sex if I want it more than once a month.
wow
you are strong you are beautiful never let anyone tell you otherwise hun!
Dont let him treat you like that, if you are not happy then change it, i think you know what you have to do to achieve happiness. It may be hard but you have to do it, you deserve to be in a loving relationship. As for your ex, its always sad when relationships break down, but it happens, it was just not meant to be. You will find someone who will make you feel like the amazing person i am sure you are. Take care Julia xx
It sounds like you\'re ready to be done with Ty. You deserve a better relationship, and you deserve someone who can wait until you can both live together outside of your father\'s house. Just my thoughts. If you want more on this one, I have more thoughts. Just ask me. But for now, I don\'t want you to be overwhelmed or offended. I think it\'s a lot that you wrote this out, and now it needs to sit with you for a while. But let me know when you\'re ready because I was once a girl who let men walk all over me. {{{{{hugs}}}}}} You deserve the best!
I think you ask some very good questions of yourself at the end of the entry. Why do you think you\'re allowing this in your life when you deserve better? ((hugs)) if you want to talk about it message me ok?
You seem like a strong woman who really knows what you want. You should put what you really want into action. You\'ve been through alot and deserve to be happy. Good luck.
You need to find someone that is good to you. You have been through so much, you need to find someone that puts a balance back into your life. Keep writing, I hope it is helping to make you feel better. *hugs*