Im DONE!!!!!     Done trying to feel good, trying to succeed in life, trying my hardest to just have one whole day where I can smile, trying to find not just a job but a career, trying to keep my life in check, trying to maintain.... With that said... I feel as if my life has been put on pause, and no matter how hard I try, I cant seem to get it to play again. I HATE HATE HATE HATE being a loafer. I fucking hate it!!!! I WANT to work, I WANT a job, WANT a place of my own, WANT to be stable... but dear God, I feel as if I can't seem to push past it. I continue to put in job applications, and hope someone calls me for an interview, but alas.... hoping only gets you so far. That whole fucking Disney world bullshit of wishing on a star, and your dreams will come true..... WAKE UP, AND COME TO THE REAL WORLD. You can hold a dream in one hand and shit in the other, and I can guarantee you that the shit filled hand will be heavier. Im caught in a cycle that seems to never end. Schooling of course costs money, to which I would have to have a job to earn such a thing right? Well, jobs are looking for the schooling, so that leaves me in the middle fucked in the ass with a goddamn tree branch balancing in the middle. People out there with depression know exactly what Im talking about, you try, and you smile and you put forth your best effort, but it always seems to fall short. Nothing is ever good enough, or excellent, no... No... I absolutely hate it when I hear people try to tell me, " Well, it isn't you, but it's them. They're looking for a specific something...." Well then Im just ROYALLY dicked huh? Im not in college at the moment because the grants I applied for in the past.. somehow and magically I didn't qualify for them. So, recently I apply again for the same grants HOPING you see these bullshit misleading words?? (hope, faith, wish...) Now, maybe if I had 18 kids, lived on welfare, and in the ghetto somewhere, I would have a better chance. Because if I wasn't granted the money then well I could do like other people have done "well its because Im....(black, white, woman, short) whatever excuse you wanna put there. But I was a decent person coming up, I dont have 18 kids, Im not in the ghetto (thank you dad) and I still try for some damn reason to move myself past what I have towards what I want. Ohh that was a sentence just FULL of bullshit (try) Yea, Ive heard a saying in the past that made me want to jump through the poster, and shoot the motherfucker that came up with it. It said verbatim "Do or Do not but there is no try" WELL isn't that just a rotten fucking peach? BEcause to DO something you have to try for it. To not do something you don't have to try at all. Now explain to me how it is there is no try... If you can. Motherfucker! Im so mad, because Im hurt. I really am. I am hurt by all the misleadings, the let downs, the false hopes, and trials and even yes.. FAILURES.  Im not an angry person, Im a person thats tired of being fucked in the ass with no lube by an impossible fucking system. I don't have th money to continue my education to get the job I want, but I also cant get the job I want without continuing my education. Imagne that. People TWICE my age are going back to college, and graduating, you know why? Because they already have gone through the work force, and have money saved up, or they QUALIFY for the things they apply for... IMAGINE THAT!!! 10 million tears have I shed in my persuit of happiness.  Thats why the constitution never said "The obtainment of happiness, but the persuit of" we're never meant to actually have happiness no! We're not allowed to obtain it, have it, keep it NO! That's just ludicrous! My fucking God what kind of country would we be where we could keep our citizens HAPPY?!?!?!?! Inconceivable!!! -shakes head- This world is so fucked up it needs to be wiped clean, and a fresh start given, and I have a feeling that will happen. Unfortunately for that fresh start to occur, there must be a time of unease, turmoil, war, famine, hunger, death... purging this world of its evils. Well in my thought process that INCLUDES all these dirty ass politicians. Let me tell you why: Thanks to George Bush Jr. the united states is in iraq fighting and dying... for what? FOr FUCKING what? Why are our men and women still there? Theyve asked us to leave, but NOOOOOOO!!!! Baby bush hasn't gotten enough people killed yet. Thanks to his brother Jeb Bush (also a cocksucker) our kids are now only learning the FCAT standardized testing for school. NOTHING about what they'll need to survive in the real world. SO, how can they be expected to lead this country's future if theyre only trained to take a test the Mr. Jeb Bush couldn't even pass himself? Theres so much more still left unsaid, but Ive typed my fingers numb. If you've read all this, feel free to comment, and I thank you.