Im an emotional wreck. I dont know what to feel, and when I do it changes. From moment to moment my emotions change, I change. My period hasn't come around in 2 months, and Im starting to feel SO scared about it. My last cycle was in November 2007. I didnt get one for December, and when I started feeling those familiar warning signs that it was close.... on my birthday Chippy and I had sex. -smiles- Bad thing about that is though, is that he came inside of me, and ..... no period since then. So now it's coming on the second month of no blood, and Im scared! I dont want a baby yet. I want other things in life before I have children. He has a gf, and Im in a clusterfucked jumble with my life at the moment, so... Im not ready. YES I said it... he has a gf. My former adopted daughter. In high school her real parents knew nothing of her, and she was a sheltered mess, so I took her in, and I wound up hurt. That doesnt seem to make a difference for him though, because 3 days into their relationship we had sex in his bed. Everytime that happens I feel a small victory, but then go home and wish he was all mine again. I miss him. My world is right with him, but those are childish things to say. All about true love, and this that and the other. Fairy tales, best left for Disney to work out. ANyway, as life stands for me right now I have no job, no place of my own, no car of my own, and a maybe baby. So Im scared shitless, and want to run away.   Not only all of that but my depression has been kicking my ass badly. I really feel like hiding away from everyone and everything forever. I see death now, and wish that it was me. I see CSI or some such show, and I find myself saying "lucky bastard" I hate feeling like this, Im numb from the heart down. I want to curl up and hide in a closet, where I can be by myself, and die in piece. Ive thought it all out again. What pills to take, how many, when, where to hide, who NOT to contact... everything. My world is in ruins, my heart in shreds, my life at it's end.  I wish.