Tuesday

The weekend was awesome!!! We started Friday and only stop Monday cause I needed to do laundry and clean the house.  Monday talked to my stbx and my day just went from good to crappy.  After talking to my stbx I cried and cried, the reality of everything just hit me, I just broke down, haven't felt like that in a while, the weight of everything just came down on me, I felt so depressed, lonely and abandoned, just tossed aside.  I know better than that, I know how much I'm worth but couldn't help but feel sad and upset.  STBX asked me if I was dating and it shouldn't bother me but it did, is like he wants me dating that way he is not the one dating first and moving on to quick, let me be the one to take the plunge.  He did the same thing with the divorce, he wanted a divorce and I didnt so he just stayed for the kids until I got tired of not getting anything in return and I was the one that told him that we needed to separate so he just went ahead with it cause it was my decision not his so now he dont have to feel guilty about it. It was like the rush of emotions from the last year just took over, it sucked!!!!!!!! Feeling better today and I hope not to have to many of those - they suck the life out of you and it is emotionally exhausting!!!