Missing him

Last night I cried in the shower but it wasnt a hysterical crying, it was healing to just let the tears roll down my face.  I'm grieving the loss of what's never going to be again.  My H called the kids this morning and I talked to him for a few minutes, proud to say I kept it together, no crying, just a what's up and talk to you later.  But I'm not going to lie, I miss him and hearing his voice and not the usual "I lov u" at the end of the conversation was tough.  Even though my heart hurts it's not an unbearable pain like it used to be.  I feel strong but at the same time I'm just waiting for a breakdown, for everything to just come down crashing down on me, today I just feel like my heart is going to explode in a million pieces.  I feel so pathetic - I just want to talk to him!!!! Please God give me the strenght to just keep it together, I have better days and I know better days will come.