I am astounded at the inadequacy of words.
There is no way to explain the feelings, no way to tell others how it feels. Especially at this time of year, any holiday tradition, any carol, even just a decoration on a door can bring overwhelming feelings of loss and loneliness. I ask myself “why?” everyday, I feel bereft and desolate. But the words are so empty, so meaningless, how can they express what I’m feeling? I stole this from somebody, I don’t know who. If it was you, Thank You and I’m sorry if I used it without permission.
It had been four days since master had patted his head fondly before sitting out on the deck with a pipe to let the evening play out. Oh how he missed him. He had taken Sam down this way a few times prior, with a bunch of flowers. It was a strange place, rows of stones lining the ground. Were Sam a pup he may have even enjoyed his times here, darting around like he were in a maze. But he was not, and there was a sadness and quiet in the air whenever they stood by a certain stone.
Sam wasn't sure why he was going there, or even what was happening, but it felt right. Slowly he moved on until he recognized the iron gates. Crossing past the silent stones he saw some fresh dirt piles, and moved closer to see what might be there. Suddenly he caught master in the air, he was here. No man stood before Sam though, and the scent was faint, and fading.
Sam knew of death, but only in simple terms. He'd seen other animals and owners being buried, paraded around by people in black. He never enjoyed going, but he could sense it was important to master to do so. There was no thoughts or questions in Sam’s mind as he lay down atop his master’s grave. He simply longed for the warmth of the past, and could do nothing but embrace the future.
I feel like Sam. I don’t really understand and it all seems so strange, so wrong. Happy Holidays? How?
There is no way to explain the feelings, no way to tell others how it feels. Especially at this time of year, any holiday tradition, any carol, even just a decoration on a door can bring overwhelming feelings of loss and loneliness. I ask myself “why?” everyday, I feel bereft and desolate. But the words are so empty, so meaningless, how can they express what I’m feeling? I stole this from somebody, I don’t know who. If it was you, Thank You and I’m sorry if I used it without permission.
It had been four days since master had patted his head fondly before sitting out on the deck with a pipe to let the evening play out. Oh how he missed him. He had taken Sam down this way a few times prior, with a bunch of flowers. It was a strange place, rows of stones lining the ground. Were Sam a pup he may have even enjoyed his times here, darting around like he were in a maze. But he was not, and there was a sadness and quiet in the air whenever they stood by a certain stone.
Sam wasn't sure why he was going there, or even what was happening, but it felt right. Slowly he moved on until he recognized the iron gates. Crossing past the silent stones he saw some fresh dirt piles, and moved closer to see what might be there. Suddenly he caught master in the air, he was here. No man stood before Sam though, and the scent was faint, and fading.
Sam knew of death, but only in simple terms. He'd seen other animals and owners being buried, paraded around by people in black. He never enjoyed going, but he could sense it was important to master to do so. There was no thoughts or questions in Sam’s mind as he lay down atop his master’s grave. He simply longed for the warmth of the past, and could do nothing but embrace the future.
I feel like Sam. I don’t really understand and it all seems so strange, so wrong. Happy Holidays? How?
Replies
Hi friend,
There are no words for the loneliness of the first holidays without our missing ones. The world outside seems to swirl by in a cloud of merriment, and we are left feeling empty and bereft. The only bright spot is that there will be no other time when it feels quite so bad. I can almost promise you that next year you will feel different, more whole, if not more happy. The planet won\'t seem to wobble quite so badly without their presence. My only words of wisdom are to hunker down and somehow try to get through it. If you can do something completely different than what you used to do, that would be a good idea. Try to distract yourself, or alternatively, you could wallow in it and get it out of your system for the time being. Whatever you do, it\'s not going to be particularly fun. I was fortunate in that that I found myself included in someone else\'s Christmas the first year and I actually found myself finding a few moments of unexpected joy. Keep your heart open, even while you grieve. And remember that we are here for you. Hugs, Amy
Ken,
You are not alone- all who grieve are surrounded by all the happiness (either real or obligatory) that we are told we must feel and so every little thing can be an overpowering \"trigger\". This is not only a time of enforced happiness, it is a time of HOPE-and perhaps that is where the true happiness is.Enjoy those moments of wonder and fun that you will have(there maybe more than you think) and try not to think too much about what was or should be-the future is yet to unfold. Hugs & True Prayer-pam
Ken-
I sure do miss your writings...I like coming to visit your \"home\", thats what I like to call it. ;)
I have my own pet story but I prefer to read this one & keep mine to myself...
~Christine
Ken,
I too am Sam.
Linda (used to be The Good Cook)
Hugs hugs hugs. Feel your feelings. We have no explanation of why our loved ones are taken from us xxxxx
Ken, Glad you came back to visit. I know the holidays will never be the same. Now I try and enjoy them, through the kids eyes. I try to surround myself with the music, not too much on decorations, but the kids put some up anyway. I am so putting off shopping. The joy is missing in the season. Hope you can enjoy some of the holiday with your grandsons.
Paula
Hello Ken,
I feel like Sam also....this year is worse than last year, guess I was in shock, denial or whatever you might want to call it....take it easy as we all will be doing...hugs, Sandi
Ken, at times words just fail. We all have a sorrow that not many except for those here would understand. Just know that we understand and are here for you. Hugs Jane