just thinking

I joined the meth recovery group....hopefully I can help others with their addiction or to stay clean.  It did get me thinking how I was before meth and how I will never be the same person I used to be before meth.  Some how it changes a person/me.  I have so many regrets in life and the impact it has on me now is hard to accept.  I need to start looking for a way to be happy again and try to erase the past.  Unfortuntally that can't happen.  I guess I just have to make the best of life know and not think about the past the best that I can.
Having to move to Orlando from Sarasota sucks.  I did go back to see my sister, husband and friends.  My friend Cheryl and I would go the bar after work....so when I was back for my visit we again went to the bars.  This time being back I thought of the rut I was in living the life I had in Sarasota.  I felt different being there this time...not as fun.  Depressing in a way...knowing that I should have gotten out of the bar routine....drinking isnt the answers to my problem.  Having a mood disorder sucks.  It really has made my life worse.  I wish the Doctor never told me my problem.  Now I think I dwell on it too much...then again I am beginning to understand my past issues and have an understanding why things happened the way they did.  But I need to get over it and move forward...hard not to look back but thats what Im gonna have to do to move forward.  I am trying to get excited that I have a fresh start.  I really need to set some goals for myself.  Goal setting is what I am going to concentrate on this week. Time for bed.