have spent all day on p.c reading about other peoples drinking problems, came accross this site by chance.   this time last week i blacked out for 8 hours.  i have felt dead inside ever since, havent even had a drink since then.  been out of the house once on tuesday to go to the doctors and buy cat food and food for the kids.  14, 16.  phoned aa, wait about 4 weeks for app.  dont want to leave the house ever again,  only open curtains a Little bit.   i hate myself, spoiled my nieces wedding,  my sister told family she doesnt want anything more to do with me. a lot of family hate me for it, and i cant blame them.   cant even tell them i am so so sorry.   its not what im going to do [get better] its what ive done............and ive done an awful lot of horrible things when i black out...........................someone spoke of angels, i got home with no shoes, money or keys, 5 miles,  cant really  remember getting out of a car,but think i did, then realizing had no key so had a uphill 15 min walk to daughters, in bare feet crying all the way. the first 4 hours of blackout were in hotel, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED THE 2ND 4 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!    luckly i was in one piece when i woke up.         back to the hotel, i was told by family i was telling everyone who spoke to me to f***off, no one could move me ,theres more aswell but dont want to talk about it.....................