Love is a lost cause for me. Another day past! talked to kerri on msn, first she doesn’t wanna speak to me then starts speaking.Even when I say i am off she carrys on msning me knowing i wont cut her off and then on the phone i call to say night to Joshua i say good night then i say bye but she keeps talking to me, going on and on. Oh the best bit she then she starts to look for a fight even when i say im off she carries on. Kerri pushed me today, fucking talking about the abortion in june 06 like it was my kid. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE. If she was not fucking that other cunt telling him she loved him then it would never had happened. She tried to imply it would have been mine, oh yes she took a knife and stabbed me in the heart with it. Fucker knows I want a child, knows I want one if i could. I know Im  not who I were but i tried i did all i could how many times can u be put down, before someone says let it be she left me feeling unwanted for so long her family are so fake. They pretend to be happy yet they hate each other you can see in her parents and siblings the only good part of her family are her auntie,  uncle and granddad.  I remember in march before the meal when everything went sour, she told me she wanted to see how things go when we get back and so quickly she moved on. I thought she would stop being silly move past the bull and be true to her word, I now know LOVE does not exsist something that leads to this much pain is not right.I am in crazy land and i bought a house, im fucked.