I had thought that there was no one out there was going through what I have been going through for the past 8 years. Alone is what I have felt and what I have been since my daughter walked out of my life. I refer to myself as broken and just like Humpty Dumpty I can't be put back togeather again.
This pain has been beyond anything I have ever known and although I fight each day to just get through it I still feel it to my very soul. There are so many feelings attched to not having any contact with her that I at times feel overwelmed with sadness, anger, guilt and even shame.
I have isolated myself , I have begged God above to ease the pain and at the end of each day I pray that this will be the night that I am not haunted by the dreams and that for just a little while I can forget.

Replies

julchr
julchr

I feel all your pain!

Do you hear from your daughter at all?

Mine reached out to me at Thanksgiving to take her shopping, which was fine, it was my Christmas present to her.

But, a few weeks later, when I called her about not checking her balance in her checking account, and how much in overcharges she incurred, that\'s when it happened. She hates my boyfriend, that I didn\'t help with her school loans (my ex took it over, and I have no clue what\'s going on), and mostly that I divorced my husband.

The hardest part is this started when she was in high school, I was still \'happily married,\' She was dating someone, both families took each other on vacations, dinners, etc., and then I find this note he wrote my daughter saying he was going to kill me, and I still to this day can\'t figure what I did.

He\'s gone, she went off to college, and it\'s been over 5 yrs since we really had a conversation.

And, when my ex took her to college, I only heard from her when she needed money. Now, she won\'t accept my money, and hates that I just got her a new cell phone, I\'m under contract, told me even though she\'s a slave to the cell phone, don\'t ever call her and let her know- through ex - the contract is done. Meaning, she wants no means of oontacting her.


Take care!
BubblesDavey
BubblesDavey

I am so sorry for this very difficult part of your journey. I too experienced not knowing where my son was for over seven years. Today he is a chronic alcoholic, mentally ill (not specifically diagnosed), and now homeless. It has been a very difficult thing to experience, however it was through attending Al Anon meetings, reading their literature and sharing with others that I found the strength to continue and grow. Please, take care of yourself in anyway you can. I would be happy to share with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

So heartbreaking; I feel for you. Please don\'t say \"can\'t\" -- I believe your wounds can heal & you\'ll be whole again. You must believe it & want it for yourself, too. Kids walk away for reasons of their own that defy all logic & understanding. You did your best raising her, now she\'s on her own & you\'re still alive with choices to make -- will you voluntarily lay down & slowly die over this, or will you shift the focus away from loss and set out on a better & healthier path for yourself? The role of \"Mom\" is only one phase of many in a woman\'s life. Embrace change. Please choose life -- the best is yet to be! I promise you!