This is a really hard time of year for me. FALL..This was the start time to decorating and making plans for the holdays. The first week end of October would be the apple festive at the orchard. We would go pick apples, pumpkins, have a picnic lunch, feed the fish, dig up flowers, and run home and work so hard to get everything set out just perfect. We'd go to haunted houses every Saturday. Now I hate the thought of life without my Mandi . I try to fake it so Ray and Allen have a good time but they know it's all a front. I feel so guilty that I haven't greived for the loss of my Daddy as much as all the rest of my family. Compared to the loss of my Baby Girl it doesn't  come close. My Daddy was 75 and ill when i think of his passing I feel comfort. He fought a long battle. Mandi was 25 and perfect. I don't understand. I have been off work for two weeks and all I have done is missed Mandi. I have cried so much. I closed her pool she had put in the back yard so I just imagined her everywhere. I am volunteering for a group that i know Mandi would approve of. Toys for Tots. She loved kids so much. I have prayed for strength and God hasn't failed me yet.  I love you so much, Mandi. Hugs and Kisses.