family

 i am 12 and i have a mentally AND EMOTIONALLY scarring mom problem my name is Jake and my mom says she is religious but she is not my dad is very protective and sometimes helpful but my mom interrupts me and yells and trys to make me do things i dont want to do but every time that i talk to her she trys to yell and be rude she calls me names and when i do work and try to make her happy it never works she acts totally different around my dad and sometimes i lose it and try to physically hurt people in my family and i watch my brother cry as i get violent and slam things, my dad blames it on movies and things like that but i know that's not why whenever i tell my dad how my mom acts she twists the truth and liess to his face and i end up getting in trouble. sometime  try to tell my mom calmly and when she is sane she just smiles and laughs my guess is that she is possessed and i online school so i deal with it 24/7 there is no guidance counselors here so i really need help and i have been so close to killing myself the only thing that keeps me alive is spending time with my dad and also friends but i dont know how much longer i can take all the lies and yelling i just wish i could kill myself but my brother and my sister keep me alive even though i dont mean it when i hurt him and make him cries i cant take it inside i just wish i could end it and this is my last chance of support ive tried going to church but the teachers that i talk to make me depressed and i love my brother sister mom and dad but i feel like if i wasnt part of this family it would be a lot smoother she tells me im disrespectful even though shes the one disrespecting and other names i need help they wont put me in normal school i have stood with a knife in my hand so many times wondering if i have the guts to pull it off and i end up putting it down every time but i am gaining the strength to do it every time i put it down thanks for reading this