There was post about someones H thinking about the OW. I was going to add my comment there but thought better of it. Since that was the very subject I wanted to bring up as well.
I hope that I can explain this so it isn\'t confusing. I got a certificate for a massage for x-mas and wasn\'t sure where the place was. So H and I drove around til we found it. The names of the ladies that worked there were posted on a sign out front.
A few days later my H says there is something he should tell me. I got nervous thinking it would be terrible news. Anyway, he said that he recognized one of the names on the sign. When he was with the OW she told him about her ex dating a woman who worked in a massage place. H told me in case they had married and I would recognize the last name. Same as the OW at the time of the A. She has since remarried.
Anyway, he said he didn\'t want there to be any surprises so it didn\'t look like he was keeping anything from me. I am glad he was thinking along those lines as far as his A goes, But my problem is this. I am almost shocked that he remembered this conversation with the OW. It has been almost 7 years! I would think that particular conversation would have been kind of insignificant. Her talking about her ex I mean. Yet he remembered her talking about him, and to remember the girlfriends name is crazy! It is not a common name at all so I wouldn\'t think he would remember it.
I guess it makes me think that anything she said was very significant to him. I know all about the powerful feelings of the A and all. But I am still so surprised. It made me feel sad that he was thinking about her. I know I can\'t erase his memories but it still hurts. And I know he told me in good faith and for a good reason. I didn\'t tell him about my feelings because I don\'t want to deter him from opening up about anything in the future that has to do with the A that is.
I know we have our triggers, I guess the CS has theirs also. That womans name was a trigger for my H. It hurts but I guess it\'s another thing that we have to accept.
Replies
There was post about someones H thinking about the OW. I was going to add my comment there but thought better of it. Since that was the very subject I wanted to bring up as well.
I hope that I can explain this so it isn\'t confusing. I got a certificate for a massage for x-mas and wasn\'t sure where the place was. So H and I drove around til we found it. The names of the ladies that worked there were posted on a sign out front.
A few days later my H says there is something he should tell me. I got nervous thinking it would be terrible news. Anyway, he said that he recognized one of the names on the sign. When he was with the OW she told him about her ex dating a woman who worked in a massage place. H told me in case they had married and I would recognize the last name. Same as the OW at the time of the A. She has since remarried.
Anyway, he said he didn\'t want there to be any surprises so it didn\'t look like he was keeping anything from me. I am glad he was thinking along those lines as far as his A goes, But my problem is this. I am almost shocked that he remembered this conversation with the OW. It has been almost 7 years! I would think that particular conversation would have been kind of insignificant. Her talking about her ex I mean. Yet he remembered her talking about him, and to remember the girlfriends name is crazy! It is not a common name at all so I wouldn\'t think he would remember it.
I guess it makes me think that anything she said was very significant to him. I know all about the powerful feelings of the A and all. But I am still so surprised. It made me feel sad that he was thinking about her. I know I can\'t erase his memories but it still hurts. And I know he told me in good faith and for a good reason. I didn\'t tell him about my feelings because I don\'t want to deter him from opening up about anything in the future that has to do with the A that is.
I know we have our triggers, I guess the CS has theirs also. That womans name was a trigger for my H. It hurts but I guess it\'s another thing that we have to accept.