Happy
I am watching a program on KPBS (public TV) called Happy. I realize I am happy. And to be happy you must have the lows(unhappy). I have always believed you need a well rounded life. Good times and Bad times. I am slowly trying to accept that I am HAPPY. It feels some times like I shouldn't be happy, mainly because I don't have the things that others do. Not just material things but emotional as well. I don't have a partner, I don't have a family. Yet I am basically happy. I need to continue to recognize that I am happy! I am not celebrating Christmas this year as I have in the past. It is hard. I keep forgetting, but then I realize it is much more calming to not worry about it all. It is still devastating to know my kids are both home with their father, yet they have not contacted me. I truly have begun a "no contact" with my kids and X. I am not letting him know when he fails to pay me on time. I just keep a list on the computer of the dates and times. It was hard yesterday when my money was not in the bank, but it has shown up now. I have managed to not email or text either of my kids since November1st. I did mess up and sent my daughter a "Happy Birthday" text for her 21st birthday. I did still put money in their accounts for her birthday and for Christmas, but I did not send them an email telling them that. But it is true, it is getting easier. The hardest thing for me, is not remembering. I truly have to live in the moment. But if and when I do it is easier. I am happier. But then I do not write journal entries as much. So I will still read about my friends, but there may not be as much to read about me for a while. At least until I can remain in the moment more easily and be happy with out having to work so hard at it.
Replies
Mac you are finding peace in your life. While you miss your children you are finding happiness in your life too. Stay in the moment and I hope finding peace and happiness gets easier. You so deserve to be happy.
I truly have begun a \"no contact\" with my kids and X.
I let out an, \"oooooh WOW\" when I read that. GOOD WORK.
I disagree with ONE thing though. Please, please, please journal even more during this time of happiness. I know it is hard because tension and conflict tend to really get it out of all of us. However, the more happiness you can record the more you can replicate it in the future. :) i\'m impressed with how you are doing. Glad \"mr wonderful\" is paying you.
Wow Mac well done on taking care of you!!
I said a prayer for you in church this morning, and then coming home and reading this shows me that God has already been answering that prayer in your life.
I know it is hard always reminding oneself to live in the moment. But as you say it really does help, and one can realise that one is basically happy with life.
((((hugs)))) and peace to you. May your heart be filled with peace and joy this Christmas Season.
I like this! I like that you are not even contacting him when he doesn\'t pay on time. I said before and will again; I think he does that on purpose to \'get\' you to contact him so he can see that he has upset you. So....expect him not to pay on time and then you don\'t get upset.
It\'s hard, I know...but I think the best is what you are doing. If the kids want to contact you, they can...and they will. But I wouldn\'t dwell...you aren\'t and that\'s good. A good book my Son gave me and I\'m reading again is by Joel Osteen; Become a Better You. It\'s an excellent book. You know it\'s where I learned that by repeating the bad over and over is reliving it over and over. Oh we do need to talk about it, but not for 4 or 10 years,. You know?
You are doing great! And yes, stress can be taken away from Christmas. It\'s all how you view it.
Like the journal. Keep up the good work.
Yep, even if our marriage didn\'t end there would have been ups and downs as well. Great journal
Sometimes we need to put in extra effort to put some attention on the good things in our lives in order to create better. You keep going. You can have both--Missing your kids and also finding peace and joy, which you deserve.
Sometimes it\'s just better without the drama.
I have a bit more than you.....but certainly less than I had hoped that I\'d have, and I\'m now doubting that I\'ll ever have another partner again. ****shrugs**** Like you, I\'m happy anyway. I think that I just don\'t care anymore about what I don\'t have....and am just thankful for what I do have...