Saturday
All I would like is one day where my kids would call me just to say "Hi!". Is that too much to ask? Yes it is. I sit here and cry my heart and eyes out trying to understand why they think I need to be punished. Punished! That is exactly why they do it. They are punishing me because I won't give them what I can't...a time machine to go back and make everything the way it was before the divorce and to continue to allow, in my daughter's case, to do what they please and clean up whatever is wrong for her. My daughter wants, no demands that she be in charge of me. After all she is smarter than me and age should not be a determinant in who is in charge and gets punish others. This does not mean she was punished, on the contrary that is most likely the problem, I did not have to punish her as much as she evidently needed. I would not punish her any more than I did even if I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now. What I would do differently is I would have put her into different situations that would have allowed her learn more and maybe be punished for what she did wrong. But instead I made her life easy, she didn't have to do anything wrong and consequently she never had to learn anything. This is the sin I can never forgive myself for allowing to happen. I thought at the time that she was just learning from her brother's mistakes and from listening to what I told her. But I was so wrong.
My daughter will never be willing to ever talk or see me again. If she ever does see me, she will end it the moment she does not feel she is getting whatever it is she wants or if any thing is brought up that casts her in a light she does not want to be cast in. How could I have allowed this to happen. I love that little girl, I always have and always will. If though she is not little any more. She has always wanted me to be wrong. When she was 8 to 10 anytime I told her she was wrong or had to do something she would start out by calling me a "Liar", then when she got to be 14 it would be "just because you were born before me doesn't mean your in charge or know more!"
What did I do? Why won't my son answer the phone? He is punishing me for doing the same thing. How dare I point out he is not handling something in the manner it should be handle or just because I point out he could handle something in a different manner. Now I must be punished?? This is all because this is how their dad used to treat me and currently treats me. I am being punished. I should be punished and I am the only person who can be punished. It is right and just.
When will this nightmare end!?? I know it already has ended. I am as bad as a small child, I want something I can't have and I just won't give up wanting it.
My daughter will never be willing to ever talk or see me again. If she ever does see me, she will end it the moment she does not feel she is getting whatever it is she wants or if any thing is brought up that casts her in a light she does not want to be cast in. How could I have allowed this to happen. I love that little girl, I always have and always will. If though she is not little any more. She has always wanted me to be wrong. When she was 8 to 10 anytime I told her she was wrong or had to do something she would start out by calling me a "Liar", then when she got to be 14 it would be "just because you were born before me doesn't mean your in charge or know more!"
What did I do? Why won't my son answer the phone? He is punishing me for doing the same thing. How dare I point out he is not handling something in the manner it should be handle or just because I point out he could handle something in a different manner. Now I must be punished?? This is all because this is how their dad used to treat me and currently treats me. I am being punished. I should be punished and I am the only person who can be punished. It is right and just.
When will this nightmare end!?? I know it already has ended. I am as bad as a small child, I want something I can't have and I just won't give up wanting it.
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