My day

I have just finished reading most of my DS friend's journals. Why can't I write about my day like they all do? Well here goes. Got up this morning late after 8am. Temperature was 40. I ran out of propane last Friday night and because of Saturday's fiasco I haven't gotten any more propane. I have two methods of getting propane one is to sign up at the office of the campgrounds before Monday morning and a guy will come to my site and fill my propane tanks. I did this at first but he charges about a $1 a gallon more than taking the tanks to a gas station. I have 2 tanks holding about 14 gallons between the 2. I was going with another family I met here and we were filling our tanks together so we could save another 10 cents a gallon. But I burned the bridge with them last Saturday so I can't ask them to continue helping me. The husband Mike would take all of the tanks and fill them, He has a truck. I can take them off and fill them, but they are almost too heavy for me to put back in place. Plus I don't have a truck. I got a text from a friend that lives here telling me she saw a truck with a for sale sign just as you go out the back gate of the campgrounds. So when I went out to run an errand I got the phone # and called. Beautiful truck, everything I could ever want. 2005 Ford F350 diesel dually with only 57000 miles. One owner(music teacher from Wisconsin) Looks like new. But he is asking $26,500. I am down to $17,000 left from my settlement. I really need a truck to take full advantage of owning a trailer. But I will just have to keep looking. Since I got this trailer last June 2010 I have spent $7000 of my savings. Granted I went to see my son cost $1500. I have had dental work $2000, new tires $400 and work on my car $900, which comes to a total of $4800. Divide the remainder and it costs me $275 a month to live more than what I get in spousal support. What do I do? To live at least another year in my trailer I need at least $3300. That leaves only $13,700 to spend on a truck. I need a job! If I had a job I could possibly qualify for a loan. Even if all my paycheck went to taxes and the truck payment I could make it! But I have no job and no hopes for a job. Dorothy told me there is a job center in the Goodwill store here in town, so I guess tomorrow I will hit them up for help getting a job. I hate the thought of working for $8.00 an hour when I have a college degree, but the degree is in Social Science, which there is not much call for. And since I didn't work for 99% of my marriage(Only odd jobs to help out for extras for the kids,like Marching Band or Karate)I have no experience. I need a resume but there is nothing to put on the resume. But it was real nice meeting the man and his wife that are selling their truck. After I came back home I made a meal for myself. Hot dog, beans, and mixed vegetables. I am trying to lose weight. I was 213 last June and the other day the scale said 196. Another 6 pounds and I will be back to my weight after my operations for Breast cancer. Then my goal will be to lose another 10lbs. after that I think I will quit worrying about my weight. Yes I could still use to lose another 10lbs, but then I will be at my pre-babies weight and that was 20 years ago. Besides I don't want to look anorexic. I know they say you can never have enough money or be too thin. But I only agree with the first half,haha. Besides I hate dieting, I don't mind changing my eating habits, or watching what I eat, but no dieting. Then after dinner I play some computer games, check out my friends at DS's journals if they write. Then what? I can't go to sleep yet, tomorrow they say it will rain all day and off and on through Sunday. Oh what fun. Tomorrow maybe I will do some laundry, I need to mail my apology card to Dorothy and then wait to see if she will accept it. I don't think this time she will, you can only mess up so many times and then people just can't keep forgiving you. I think I have run out of times. I deserve it if I have. I am going to try and change but I don't think there will ever be a time when I can prove it. So I am off to bed(at least I have an electric blanket so I stay warm even when the temp gets down to 37 in this trailer. And I have a long down jacket that I wear in the mornings like I used to wear a robe over my PJ's!)

Replies

trisha9054
trisha9054

This is a pretty good journal when you read thru it. You are trying to set goals. You are losing some weight. I don\'t believe in dieting either. Portion control helps me.

You realize you screwed up with Dorothy and I think writing an I\'m sorry note is fantastic. So many people don\'t do that any more. Yes, you badly need a job even if it only pays $8.00 an hour. A job is a job. It\'s what you make of it that counts. Even a part time job will give you the money you need.

You are now focusing on yourself. What you need and what you don\'t have. Keep the focus on you and building a life for yourself. It\'s a struggle but you can do it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

02/16/2011 12:10pm
Sometimes just writing about what you did all day reminds us all that even though we may have had some rough moments, we still made it through the day and actually accomplished something.
Keep talking about you day. We\'re here to listen. I\'m sure we all like to hear the good, fun things that happen, but are also here to listen to the emotions you are dealing with.
There are days that I just hurt and am having all kind of emotions going on. After I write it out in my journal I do realize that I dealt with it and I didn\'t even realize I had worked it out, but I did.
I\'m sending you strength, (((Hugs))), prayers, peaceful thoughts, and friendship.