Life
I wish life could be easier for me to handle. I haven't called my son for 2 weeks, hoping he would call me as he said he would, but he never called. I called him this morning after 9am my time which is 12pm his time, I asked if he could come have a bon fire with me a friends son named Jake when he gets home. He said he would really try as it sounded like fun. I wished him luck on his finals, but he advised me his last final was last Friday. I asked when he was coming home, he said" next Wednesday the 23rd". I said Wednesday is the 22nd, the 23rd is Thursday, which day is it? "I told you! Wednesday the 23rd!!" Oh well had to just let that one slide. Then he started telling me about some of his grades that have come in online. Several hours after talking to him I got to thinking about his grades so I sent him an email... Hi Kyle,Nice to talk to you today. Would it be possible for you to send me the link and any password necessary so I could view your grades? Since I can never see your report card I was wondering if I could just see it online? Can't wait to see you when you get home!Love always,Mom.
I got the following response... You need a password? To what username?
Nothing else was said. I am about ready to go crazy!!! Why does he play these games with me. His father gets his report card sent to him! but since I have ceased to exist, I get nothing. Just vague comments that make me curious, but when I ask a direct or indirect question all I get is a blank....do they really hate this much??
I know everyone thinks I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I know I will never be told anything about my kids directly. If they die no one will call and tell me. I will find out from someone that went to the funeral and is appalled "I refused to attend"! They will get married and no one will believe their mother is still alive, I will have grandchildren and never know they exist. It sounds too horrible to be true(and hopefully it is!)but I won't know until it has happened and then what can I do about? Nothing! It will have already happened and it will be in the past, so I will be told to forget about it., but I can't they are my children and I love them more than anything else on this earth.
So how do I pretend to not care about my kids? How do I just ignore everything. I do everything in my power, but it never seems to be enough. I have friends staying with me for the next 2 weeks, they leave Dec.31st. In our RV park they make everyone move out of the park for 2 weeks every 6 months, this is my friends time to be out, but their trailer is in being repaired, so since I have an extra bedroom I said they could stay with me to save money. Their 15 yr.old is sleeping in their van parked next to the trailer. He is in seventh heaven, he has his bearded lizard in the van, a TV and a heater so he has all the comforts of home and privacy. Now his folks can't tell him to turn off the TV and go to sleep. Thank goodness Christmas vacation is here. He is a great kid. Last night he and I built a fire outside and had marshmallows and some-mores. We had a great time talking and eating. It is raining here in Southern California, but for the time we were outside it was perfect. No wind and no rain. Tonight it is raining. He thinks I am great fun. Tomorrow his parents will go to work, so he and I are going to try and bake Christmas cookies. It was his idea so I am running with it. I wish my kids could see me, maybe they would realize I am not the bad guy. Maybe they could even remember all those good years when they were growing up and we would bake cookies. But I am only dreaming, their father has them convinced I am the worst excuse for a mother, after all I ruined ALL of their lives by divorcing their father and not taking them with me. Of course he leaves out the part that I had to live in a rented room of a friend, because he wouldn't even give me the money the courts told him to pay me, until I had it garnished, and now he has even managed to get out from underneath the garnishment. I don't know what I did in my life that was so terrible, but it must have been a doozy to cause me to suffer the way I do. I can't wait for the holidays to be over, and then I will feel so bad because I never saw my kids or was able to buy them any presents, that I will wish Christmas was here again. This is the roller coaster I ride, wishing things were over,then wishing they weren't.
Well I guess I shall end this as I really should spend sometime answering and encouraging some of my friends on DS. I have nothing to complain about or whine about. My life is truly better than it ever was, all my problems are just in my head.
I got the following response... You need a password? To what username?
Nothing else was said. I am about ready to go crazy!!! Why does he play these games with me. His father gets his report card sent to him! but since I have ceased to exist, I get nothing. Just vague comments that make me curious, but when I ask a direct or indirect question all I get is a blank....do they really hate this much??
I know everyone thinks I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I know I will never be told anything about my kids directly. If they die no one will call and tell me. I will find out from someone that went to the funeral and is appalled "I refused to attend"! They will get married and no one will believe their mother is still alive, I will have grandchildren and never know they exist. It sounds too horrible to be true(and hopefully it is!)but I won't know until it has happened and then what can I do about? Nothing! It will have already happened and it will be in the past, so I will be told to forget about it., but I can't they are my children and I love them more than anything else on this earth.
So how do I pretend to not care about my kids? How do I just ignore everything. I do everything in my power, but it never seems to be enough. I have friends staying with me for the next 2 weeks, they leave Dec.31st. In our RV park they make everyone move out of the park for 2 weeks every 6 months, this is my friends time to be out, but their trailer is in being repaired, so since I have an extra bedroom I said they could stay with me to save money. Their 15 yr.old is sleeping in their van parked next to the trailer. He is in seventh heaven, he has his bearded lizard in the van, a TV and a heater so he has all the comforts of home and privacy. Now his folks can't tell him to turn off the TV and go to sleep. Thank goodness Christmas vacation is here. He is a great kid. Last night he and I built a fire outside and had marshmallows and some-mores. We had a great time talking and eating. It is raining here in Southern California, but for the time we were outside it was perfect. No wind and no rain. Tonight it is raining. He thinks I am great fun. Tomorrow his parents will go to work, so he and I are going to try and bake Christmas cookies. It was his idea so I am running with it. I wish my kids could see me, maybe they would realize I am not the bad guy. Maybe they could even remember all those good years when they were growing up and we would bake cookies. But I am only dreaming, their father has them convinced I am the worst excuse for a mother, after all I ruined ALL of their lives by divorcing their father and not taking them with me. Of course he leaves out the part that I had to live in a rented room of a friend, because he wouldn't even give me the money the courts told him to pay me, until I had it garnished, and now he has even managed to get out from underneath the garnishment. I don't know what I did in my life that was so terrible, but it must have been a doozy to cause me to suffer the way I do. I can't wait for the holidays to be over, and then I will feel so bad because I never saw my kids or was able to buy them any presents, that I will wish Christmas was here again. This is the roller coaster I ride, wishing things were over,then wishing they weren't.
Well I guess I shall end this as I really should spend sometime answering and encouraging some of my friends on DS. I have nothing to complain about or whine about. My life is truly better than it ever was, all my problems are just in my head.
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