Life
I wish life could be easier for me to handle. I haven't called my son for 2 weeks, hoping he would call me as he said he would, but he never called. I called him this morning after 9am my time which is 12pm his time, I asked if he could come have a bon fire with me a friends son named Jake when he gets home. He said he would really try as it sounded like fun. I wished him luck on his finals, but he advised me his last final was last Friday. I asked when he was coming home, he said" next Wednesday the 23rd". I said Wednesday is the 22nd, the 23rd is Thursday, which day is it? "I told you! Wednesday the 23rd!!" Oh well had to just let that one slide. Then he started telling me about some of his grades that have come in online. Several hours after talking to him I got to thinking about his grades so I sent him an email... Hi Kyle,Nice to talk to you today. Would it be possible for you to send me the link and any password necessary so I could view your grades? Since I can never see your report card I was wondering if I could just see it online? Can't wait to see you when you get home!Love always,Mom.
I got the following response... You need a password? To what username?
Nothing else was said. I am about ready to go crazy!!! Why does he play these games with me. His father gets his report card sent to him! but since I have ceased to exist, I get nothing. Just vague comments that make me curious, but when I ask a direct or indirect question all I get is a blank....do they really hate this much??
I know everyone thinks I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I know I will never be told anything about my kids directly. If they die no one will call and tell me. I will find out from someone that went to the funeral and is appalled "I refused to attend"! They will get married and no one will believe their mother is still alive, I will have grandchildren and never know they exist. It sounds too horrible to be true(and hopefully it is!)but I won't know until it has happened and then what can I do about? Nothing! It will have already happened and it will be in the past, so I will be told to forget about it., but I can't they are my children and I love them more than anything else on this earth.
So how do I pretend to not care about my kids? How do I just ignore everything. I do everything in my power, but it never seems to be enough. I have friends staying with me for the next 2 weeks, they leave Dec.31st. In our RV park they make everyone move out of the park for 2 weeks every 6 months, this is my friends time to be out, but their trailer is in being repaired, so since I have an extra bedroom I said they could stay with me to save money. Their 15 yr.old is sleeping in their van parked next to the trailer. He is in seventh heaven, he has his bearded lizard in the van, a TV and a heater so he has all the comforts of home and privacy. Now his folks can't tell him to turn off the TV and go to sleep. Thank goodness Christmas vacation is here. He is a great kid. Last night he and I built a fire outside and had marshmallows and some-mores. We had a great time talking and eating. It is raining here in Southern California, but for the time we were outside it was perfect. No wind and no rain. Tonight it is raining. He thinks I am great fun. Tomorrow his parents will go to work, so he and I are going to try and bake Christmas cookies. It was his idea so I am running with it. I wish my kids could see me, maybe they would realize I am not the bad guy. Maybe they could even remember all those good years when they were growing up and we would bake cookies. But I am only dreaming, their father has them convinced I am the worst excuse for a mother, after all I ruined ALL of their lives by divorcing their father and not taking them with me. Of course he leaves out the part that I had to live in a rented room of a friend, because he wouldn't even give me the money the courts told him to pay me, until I had it garnished, and now he has even managed to get out from underneath the garnishment. I don't know what I did in my life that was so terrible, but it must have been a doozy to cause me to suffer the way I do. I can't wait for the holidays to be over, and then I will feel so bad because I never saw my kids or was able to buy them any presents, that I will wish Christmas was here again. This is the roller coaster I ride, wishing things were over,then wishing they weren't.
Well I guess I shall end this as I really should spend sometime answering and encouraging some of my friends on DS. I have nothing to complain about or whine about. My life is truly better than it ever was, all my problems are just in my head.
I got the following response... You need a password? To what username?
Nothing else was said. I am about ready to go crazy!!! Why does he play these games with me. His father gets his report card sent to him! but since I have ceased to exist, I get nothing. Just vague comments that make me curious, but when I ask a direct or indirect question all I get is a blank....do they really hate this much??
I know everyone thinks I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I know I will never be told anything about my kids directly. If they die no one will call and tell me. I will find out from someone that went to the funeral and is appalled "I refused to attend"! They will get married and no one will believe their mother is still alive, I will have grandchildren and never know they exist. It sounds too horrible to be true(and hopefully it is!)but I won't know until it has happened and then what can I do about? Nothing! It will have already happened and it will be in the past, so I will be told to forget about it., but I can't they are my children and I love them more than anything else on this earth.
So how do I pretend to not care about my kids? How do I just ignore everything. I do everything in my power, but it never seems to be enough. I have friends staying with me for the next 2 weeks, they leave Dec.31st. In our RV park they make everyone move out of the park for 2 weeks every 6 months, this is my friends time to be out, but their trailer is in being repaired, so since I have an extra bedroom I said they could stay with me to save money. Their 15 yr.old is sleeping in their van parked next to the trailer. He is in seventh heaven, he has his bearded lizard in the van, a TV and a heater so he has all the comforts of home and privacy. Now his folks can't tell him to turn off the TV and go to sleep. Thank goodness Christmas vacation is here. He is a great kid. Last night he and I built a fire outside and had marshmallows and some-mores. We had a great time talking and eating. It is raining here in Southern California, but for the time we were outside it was perfect. No wind and no rain. Tonight it is raining. He thinks I am great fun. Tomorrow his parents will go to work, so he and I are going to try and bake Christmas cookies. It was his idea so I am running with it. I wish my kids could see me, maybe they would realize I am not the bad guy. Maybe they could even remember all those good years when they were growing up and we would bake cookies. But I am only dreaming, their father has them convinced I am the worst excuse for a mother, after all I ruined ALL of their lives by divorcing their father and not taking them with me. Of course he leaves out the part that I had to live in a rented room of a friend, because he wouldn't even give me the money the courts told him to pay me, until I had it garnished, and now he has even managed to get out from underneath the garnishment. I don't know what I did in my life that was so terrible, but it must have been a doozy to cause me to suffer the way I do. I can't wait for the holidays to be over, and then I will feel so bad because I never saw my kids or was able to buy them any presents, that I will wish Christmas was here again. This is the roller coaster I ride, wishing things were over,then wishing they weren't.
Well I guess I shall end this as I really should spend sometime answering and encouraging some of my friends on DS. I have nothing to complain about or whine about. My life is truly better than it ever was, all my problems are just in my head.
Replies
You made the mistake of marrying someone like my ex. Still that is not your fault. They don\'t wear signs that say \"beware this man is not marriage material\".
Family doesn\'t have to be blood related. Reread what you have written. You have welcomed people into your home. Making cookies with their son. You are slowly making a new life for yourself. Letting someone into your life who you enjoy being around. Making cookies with.
I don\'t hear from my daughter either. I see her once a year and she is only an hour away. I don\'t even have her address. I do but not the apt. #. I have never been invited to her house for a meal except when I would cook a holiday meal.
This started when the divorce was final. I call about once every three months and leave a message that will never be returned. I accept she is like her father and may never be in my life again. I\'m not going to be a token family member at Thanksgiving. To sit there and be ignored.
I have left the door open but I will no longer let her cause me sorrow. I\'m moving on and I like where I am going.
This is what I wish for you. In making a life for yourself and accepting family where you find it you will be able to move on. If you hear from your children good. If you don\'t that will be okay too. There is still a sadness in that but it gets better in time. It will be their loss not yours. They will have missed a mother who is warm and loving.
Thank you so much for your wonderful insight into my situation. I thought you had mentioned one time that you had a daughter, that is why I agreed to be your friend. I was hoping you could give me some advice about how to handle my daughter. I am sooo sorry that your daughter is treating you the way mine treats me. You hit the nail on the head when you said that \"There is still a sadness\" in my kids not being willing to see me as I am, not what there father sees. They both hold it against me that I filed for divorce. I also agree I don\'t want to be a token family member, but at this moment in time that is better than not knowing anything about the children I loved and raised. Probably down the road I will be able to say I don\'t want to be a token member, but not yet. I am also sorry to hear you too married a man that never should have married anyone. Mine wanted children and I too wanted children, so I turned a blind eye to all the signs, because I had never found any other man that really wanted a family. Now I am paying for my mistake. My children mean the world too me. I should have divorced their father right after my daughter was born, but I thought I should stick it out for the benefit of the kids. I thought as the years went by that they would see and understand that it was their dad that kept us all alone. That I had to do everything from the house, washing, cleaning,cooking, to lawn mowing, painting the house, maintenance of the cars. I took the kids to every activity, participated as a parent volunteer in all their activities and worked part time to pay for all their activities as well as covering the cost of property taxes that their father always for got to plan for! And it was because of my parents sending us a check for $500 every year that we were able to afford any kind of a Christmas, because the husband wanted to wait for his Christmas check and bonus.(which was not always of any consequence!)The Christmas check and bonus did not arrive until around the 23rd of Dec. Oh yeah all the toys were still in stock and presents were so easy to ship back east to his family(after all they should have their gifts on Christmas too!)But he had to do all the shopping, I wasn\'t really trustworthy enough to handle it. But as you have said I am better off where I am, I just haven\'t been able to accept the fact that my children are my husbands, not ours.
Keep writing all about your horses I love reading about them. Are you located in the Southern part of the states? You talk about the cold but there doesn\'t seem to be much snow...good luck.
I\'m in SC and I too did everything in my marriage. traded trucks and cars, bought and sold the houses. I have accepted that my ex and daughter are alike in many ways. There is peace in acceptance.
I know that I did my job and no matter what she will be able to take care of herself. I got her thru college. I was a parent; not her friend like her father tried to be.
I have a pillow on one of my chairs. It says \"Home is where you make it\". I see it everyday and I truly believe that. I would make it home if it was under a bridge somewhere or on this farm I have for now.
You will get over this and maybe our children will realize what they are missing. I hope you have a great Christmas. The best you can have for where you are now. It\'s good you have opened your home to neighbors. The boy sounds wonderful. He will remember making cookies with you for the rest of his life. You are mnaking memories for him. Isn\'t that what we are suspose to do even if it\'s not blood family?