Still bumbling along.Same old stuff with Paul. We chat each day, I get frustrated from time to time, but am much happier now that I know he feels the same way about thinking long term about us together.  Before he gave me the impression that he had only that to focus on.  Like wanting me to marry  him. I am so pleased that is gone. I felt guilty after someone said to me "how does paul feel about you using him?".  As I kept saying that i wont be with him long term but was enjoying the now.But now that he says he does not want to think long term, well, that makes me feel ok about it. I let him do his thing, and when he annoys me with the stuff he does or says, then I can now say to myself, "let him do it, for it is not as if I have to live with it, or plan to live with it". That helps and I just let him go, which must help him too. Like his afternoon naps (which i think are not necessary in a 45 year old each day... now I say, ok, have a nice nap. If i had to live with someone that slept half the day when they didnt even work much to get tired... it would bother the hell out of me. But i wont have to live with that, for we are not planning long term. Sounds a bit silly, but it works. Interesting news on the Mark front.  Same old Mark. Apparently he has broken up with Aimee as Rowena has forwarded on emails that he wrote to her, asking her to get back together with him. Prior to this, there had to be some discomfort and insecurity on Aimees part, for apparently she asked him for character references from myself and Rowena!!!Imagine asking your fiance for a character reference!!!!  If it were me, i would tell them to go jump. Then he mentioned that he brought her a mobile phone. She wanted a white one and he could not get a white one so gave her a black one ($800). She did not even open the box, but when she saw it she threw it across the room at him and said "I thought you were a perfectionist like me. I wanted a white one" mmmmmm What a terrible thing to do after being given a gift! Then she also said to him "I am very giving when it comes to sex".  Now that infers that she gives in to his needs, and that it is something she does for him.  That sets the future up poorly, for she will end up resenting doing everything for him as I did.The thing is, mark is selfish and has pretty demanding sexual needs, so I think that all his relationships will end up the same way as far as sex goes. Anyway, he phoned me and told me it was all over.  I asked him why he kept emailing Rowena and he just said he could not stop.  But he knows when he was with her he was not happy. Its just a compulsion. And if you listen to him speak, he is obsessed over her worse that before. He makes comments about her sending him an email at 2am, reading into it that she must not have been tucked up in bed happy at 2am with her new boyfriend if she sent an email at 2am....  And he said he could not go out in town as he was afraid of running into her and her new boyfriend when he was out.He is quite seriously obsessed, and worse than before.  Paula at work seems to think he even follows her in his car. I can see him getting into trouble with the police over it. But, Rowena is still the same old bitch. She tells him to go away, but emails him back "I dont want to be responsible for breaking up your engagement".. which gives him  hope that she is still  interested. Rather than just telling him straight out to fuck off. She keeps dangling the carrot. She is cruel to him.She is in another relationship. When he sent her the emails about going away on a holiday to Turkey with him and then coming home and making a baby together, she threatened that if he sent one more, she would send them on to Aimee. He sent another, and so she did.To me, why not just ignore him now. Thats what i did. YOu can forward everything on, and I could have forwarded a thousand things on to her when he was with her and still pursuing me. But i chose not to. All you do is stir the pot and hurt other people. I did it once or twice, but it made me feel no better, and just made Mark like better to cover his tracks.  Silly. Anyway, my guess is that now he will try to woo Rowena back and if that does not work, he will woo Aimee again.Be interested to see if Aimee turns up in Townsville next week as planned (she was moving lock stock and barrel there from NZ next week). If she does, i can say she is clearly a gold digger. For if she has got those emails which blatantly tell her exactly what Mark is doing behind her back, and ignores them.... what exactly is driving her to be with Mark... money. And he is crying poor to me, but apparently he has brought her a brand new Audi..... I am not taking any financial settlement over any protracted period. if the offer arrives, i will reduce his proposed payment periods as I know he is pulling the wool over my eyes when it comes to money... I wonder how he lives with such a fuddled mind. Going from one girl to another. Always seeking something. he was suicidal again, and I growled at him for being selfish and saying that, when  he was a father and should be setting a good example to his kids.  But he listens as usual, then and there, and goes off and does his own thing. He takes in the advice and it seems he will listen, but he doesnt. Not at all. He does what he wants to do then and there. Impulsively.He will never change. I feel sorry for him, but not to the point of helping him. He is beyond my help.  I have given years of advice and he listens but does not heed.  Paula also told me he was still taking the girl from qantas out as well. And being engaged.  My god.  if Aimee does move over here, she is a fool - certainly for love... but perhaps not for money. I am so very pleased to be out of his web.  Off the bandwagon.  I can see now instead of Rowena and I, it will be Aimee and Rowena.  Good luck to them. it will not end prettily. Unless Mark changes considerably, it will always be the same. I wonder really, how he has got this far. Was he like this all the time i knew him? Was I so blind i did not see this at all?  He is absolutely bizarre and deceptive and dishonest. Did i miss that for 20 years??????  When did he become this obsessed and deceptive man?  Was he like that behind my back and did not get caught for so long? It is a question i should ask my therapist. Of course, i dont want to believe that he deceived me so badly, surely not. But does someone just turn to be this way? Or is it that he is under threat of being alone now which brings all the crap to the surface??