So, things are puddling along. I was still upset after the Paul thing. Spoke to my therapist who helped sort it out some more.Spoke with Paul as well and we decided - and not sure if this was for the good or bad, to try to keep seeing each other, but to step back and just have a casual relationship without the expectations of something long term. Now that suits me, but i had wondered if it would suit Paul - he says it does, so we will see.  Of course gone is the loss of confidence feeling, the worthlessness etc etc that i was feeling. Silly. Stupid in fact. I do not define myself by someone else.  I know.As Shae said, I am not unloveable, nor worthless, nor frigid, nor anything just because someone said or thought i was. I am, what i believe myself to be.  I am none of those. Anyway, we will see how things go. I am not busting my gut to get down and see him as often as last year, and I am not that keen for him to come up here, as he simply does not fit into my life and social sect up here. We will see.I am now more tolerant of the stuff that he did to annoy me before, because I no longer think of it as long term, and he has taken the pressure off me by telling me that is how he is happy to think too.I think that appeals to his sense of being afraid to commit long term. God only knows. But it does allow me to relax somewhat, and to do my own thing. If things work out then that be it. I am not stopping myself being open to any other opportunities, neither is he, but we would tell each other if we decided to go looking or take opportunity.  I can live with that. Then I got all excited as I thought mark was coming up with an offer to me. Or rather, he would accept my offer, but it was too good to be true. He is not going to offer me much at all.Simply because on paper at the moment we are not worth as much as we were, and of course as he has borrowed more and more since we have been separated, rather than paying off stuff and getting some equity behind us.   If he had not brought so much property for instance, at least perhaps $2 million more would have been put into our one main property, and we would own it.  There gives him the opportunity to borrow from it to pay me out without hassle, and him less debt overall.If i look on paper at the moment, he has loans to some $10 million with only $2.3 million equity.  So of course, if you look at what we are worth, I get only half of the equity.   He keeps the property, as he has an income that supports it. I dont. When the recession picks up, he will be sitting pretty and me poor. Anyway, thats how it is. I can stress over it, but where does it get me. I am tired of it.