Well, day before yesterday was another bizarre day on Mark's part. He sent me a text at around lunch time to tell me that he would not be able to keep giving me money as he was moving to NZ, getting married and starting a new family in Jan  March of next year. (nothing out of the ordinary as he has been sending me that for a few weeks now)Then came another, "am putting a deposit on a house in Wellington in 2 weeks, to settle in 30 days, need our settlement to be done by then" This is to the girl he has seen six times in all, only ever for 2 or 3 days at a time. I sent one back, "dont rush mark, rent for a while".but then I phoned him and he went on about how he was not going to be working and changing jobs etc etc.He was illogical again, so i told him to stop, and to breathe, and to stop telling fibs, for indeed he WONT stop working and he wont change jobs and he isnt getting married, nor moving to NZ for he has the responsibility of his business in Townsville and is booked  up until at least June of next year there anyway.So he says, "ok, yes.Fair enough" I am a bit agitated at the moment" Quite agitated i believe. I phoned him later in the day to make sure he was ok and to expand on what i said, and he was still talking about getting a gun on Rowena etc as he was very hurt by her.Twas another day i felt like screaming with the insanity of his comments. Insane!  Next morning, he phoned me and apologised and said he gets agitated and thinks he will put himself on xanax for it from time to time. He says he is taking lexapro, but i dont believe it. Then quiet, although in that call he told me he was going on a date in Townsville this weekend. See - he was getting engaged and moving to NZ at lunch time and then going on another date with a completely different woman in the afternoon. How do you keep up??? Tonight he phoned me again for a chat. Nothing much, but i need to speak to him re the kids Xmas presents anyway so that was good.  He still goes on about getting a gun to Rowena, and harming her car, and being upset at her father (for instance for not saying thanks for going out on our boat once....).  Things come out - like he expanded on the time when Rowena apparently hit him through the car window. He now says he wants to report it as assault... he didnt at the time.  Apparently she punched him in the face about 6 times.Thing is, with Mark, you are not really sure of what really happened.  And i am inclined to believe that he has inflated and changed it so that it appears that he is the victim whereas, mostly, he is the villian. I know that. For a fact.  I dont know how he gets his thought processes, but clearly does not like anyone turning against him, as Rowe has done. Tonight I told him to let go of that bitterness, for it was a nasty little ball that will ruin him, but he says he cant. I told him to see his psych and he said he would go this week.  Then he told me about this great 34 year old woman he went out with last night - air hostess, met her at check in. She has 2 kids, 4 and 5 I think.  He thinks she is great.  I asked whether Aimee knew that they were not in a mutually exclusive relationship and he said "no". None of my business. Then on my part, tonight. I am antzy. Partly hormonal. I change so quickly from mrs nice to mrs not so nice these days. I was good yesterday. Paul is producing this form for the doctors to refer patients to him. he has been working on it for weeks. So today he tells me it is done. Now he is just an EXercise Physiologist; the form - a referral form - is 12 pages long. Ridiculous! He has no idea that a GP will not spend the time to fill it in.  I had this general discussion with him telling him to simplify it firstly for the patients, as even i could not understand it, and then to reduce the stuff for the GP to fill in.  Did not go down well, for he is 'following personal trainer protocol'. But PTrainers do not send forms to doctors and do not earn $$$ per hour, so can afford to spend the time on it. GP's = time = money.He has all these terms in it that the patients wont understand and is anal about listing all the conditions that they may or may not have. Ridiculous.I got all  het up under the collar, for he asked my opinion and i could not help but tell him it was far too long and complicated, so he got all defensive and I could sense he was angry.  He is so very anal. I hate that. He goes on and on about getting things punctuated correctly etc etc and corrects me.  I have a good grasp on english, (on here i take short cuts), and i have a problem being told to correct things from someone who cannot use "their" and "there" in the right context. He does this 12 page form and sends a cover letter to the GP which rambles and uses the wrong tense and the wrong 'their".Now, that is me being picky - hormones i guess. But that goes on to remind me of our differences again. I swing from being sold on being with him, to not being sold.I love our intimacy and could never do any better.I dont like him being so anal, he hoards stuff and wont compromise on it (you should see his house!!!!), he is not careful with money (he has none but still spends it on unnecessary stuff and does not pay off his loans), that goes on to the fact that we would have significant money issues if we were together. I am not prepared to share my money and pay off his debts, that is not right.  I am happy to go 50/50 with expenses, thats fine with me. But i can see it would be me buying any house we had together, and me paying this and that, and him spending on stuff rather than on his priorities.  Then there is the holiday thing, where he would not be able to afford to go unless i paid for him, and i simply do not want to do that. My money is what i get for settlement, and that is what i have to live on for the rest of my life.   So there are still those doubts.  They come and go, but for the moment they have come. Which is a shame, since i am spending the next 4 days with him.  I was great and looking forward to it a few days ago, and now i dont want to go.  Hormones.  I know that of me now at least.  But hormones are also backed by these nagging doubts which i push to the back of my mind mostly, for i love feeling loved and protected.  Ultimately though, those doubts are important and have to come to the front.  Bugger.