My wedding anniversary today. It would have been 23 years.  Not too upset about it, but a bit grumpy today (maybe that is my subconscious). Just been up to Townsville for the weekend. Mixed feelings. Hate going back for the memories.  Like to see friends. Feel a little grown apart from my girlfriends up there, which saddens me, for  i loved what i had with them. Is natural that time makes you grow apart.  Cant be helped. Made me realise that my new life is exactly that. new and will never be the same. Made me realise how important having Paul is, for he gives me direction. Mixed bag really. Mark had the NZ girl up in Townsville for the work Xmas party which unsettled me too. Did not run into them. See on facebook though, that the girls put a picture of he and Aimee in their album. Once again, she is not much to look at. And i see  in their picture, he does not have his arm around her or cuddle in.  YOu see, if Paul and I have a pic, he puts his arm around me and snuggles in automatically.  I do not want mark back. I could not give up the intimacy with Paul and could not go on in my life without having that sort of thing in it. I know that.  Just another stumbling block i suspect.  I am fairly keen to spend more time with Paul to see if it really would work out.  Certainly, despite my misgivings, I do love him and care for him immensely. And i love what he gives to my life.  Thing is, I am certain no one person satisfies everything for you, and I may never find that one person if i look, so I need to be more satisfied with someone who matches in most things. Paul does that.I spoke to him last time and i feel better now i have. I said i need more me time when we are together, and it worked really well. He likes the same, so thats fine.   I would like to spend some time with him now, but circumstances prevent that. But the time will come i guess.   Am tired of having these stumbling blocks.  Dont know why it upsets me that Mark had aimee for the xmas party, but it does. Dont know why i dont want him to be happy. More than likely because he did it wrong for me, and if he does it wrong again for someone else, then it reinforces the fact that i was not to blame for the split.And for goodness sake, he stuffed it up finally with Rowena. She has dumped him and it has got nasty. Apparently she found out about other girls and tried to beat him up through his car window. And then she sent her father and brother in law around to marks place to get the remaining stuff of hers, after mark refused to give it to her. Threatened him with solicitors too.  About time.  He had told me he was not with  her, but he must have been, for otherwise she had no reason to get upset at him being with other women.  Who knows.