One day, these bad days will be a thing of the past. God i hate it. Having a generally down day, and of course made worse by Mark. Really, i think the tone was set by him again yesterday and over the weekend. Yesterday, he got stuck  into me about what i write on my posts on facebook. Says his friends told him that I said he was verbally abusing me.  My comments are always generic. It is what he reads into them - maybe some guilt there? Yes, he does verbally abuse me, but i dont write that he does on facebook! I am not an idiot.  I write generic things about how i am feeling. So he requested that i  be more specific about what i write. I told him to bugger off, for i I dont have to be told what to write anywhere, let alone on my own private  profile, that is only visible to those i choose it to be visible to!Then comes the texts that tell me that i dont care, never have, always change my mind or go back on my word, "par for the course really" . And I am aggressive and obstructive.  My reaction initially is anger and then i sit back and analyse what is said and the gut reaction is then to blame myself. I must have said something to make him say those things, provoked him. Maybe i am aggressive. Maybe i am obstructive. Thats my gut reaction. Still.But nowadays, there is a bit of me that says NO.  I am not obstructive. Why should i change what i write in facebook? It is not harmful, nor pointed at anyone, it is how i feel at the time. Do I have to justify that or be answerable?   And I dont change my mind, I dont lie.  I made the decision to use a forensic accountant for my divorce based on what the professionals i pay to advise me in my life told me. I am quite within my rights to do that. My choice should not be questioned or belittled or accused of being aggressive. No it should not.I am pleased that stuff is there.I still need reassurance. I went to to my therapist today and read  yesterdays texts to her from Mark and she said "yes, that is emotional abuse Elaine. Everything  you have told me for over a year is emotional abuse". You are so used to working around it or taking the blame, that you fail to recognise or have enough faith in your beliefs to acknowledge that.Even as i write this, i feel like i should not be saying it, for i must have said something to upset him. Or perhaps the way i deal with things is wrong. I will write an example of the latest impulse action on his part.He turns up at my house in Brisbane on Sat am and asks me outside. I go and I see a sportscar in the driveway. He tells me  how safe it is and how it got this and that rating. My comments to him happily was that business must be booming if he now rents this type of car instead of the usual rentacar for the weekend. He didnt say a thing.We came inside and he says "its for Nick for his birthday".  You could have blown me over with a feather.  Nick just turned 16, Does not have a learners permit, nor the drive to get one. I dont want to encourage  him to for i think 16 is too young to drive even though they have changed the rules so that they can start to learn as young as 16 now. They need to drive supervised until they are 17 and have 100 hours of log book tuition. That is something.  What that means, is that when he eventually decided to get his licence he would not be able to take that car out by himself for at least 12 months.  Then, he has a brother and a sister. AS they grew up and graduated year 12 and turned 17, we got them a car. 17.  Graduated.  Not 16 and in  year 11.How on earth did mark expect them to react?Then he decided that he would be able to leave it parked outside my house in my narrow street in the open for the 12 months.  No one to drive it, other than Nick and I when he was home from boarding at school for the weekend.  In the street where they are building across the road with trucks etc, and in a city where large hailstorms are frequent.I initially turned away and went in to shower. I did not know what to say. Two weeks ago, it was $10,000 for Emily's 21st, which seems ok now given this last scenario.  Now a $40,000 car for a 16 year old.  Buying them.I turned back this time though, and said "NO. that is not the right thing to do. I explained nicks age, no licence, no desire to have one, the sibling thing with Nick getting such a great car so young and the others an average one at 17".  He tried to tell me it was from us both, and i said no, it was not from me. I would only treat all three children the same. I did not want nick to have a car at 16 and if it was from us both, then he perhaps could have communicated his intentions before buying it, for i would have talked him out of it. A brand new sports car, to sit out the front of my house for a year or so, not even being able to be driven by anyone other than me for that time, since his siblings only have an auto licence. A brand new car, out in the rain and weather.  And a $40,000 car for a 16 year old. He then admitted perhaps he had made a mistake and asked what he could do about it. I suggested taking the car back up to Townsville with him for 6 months or so.  But then he decided to leave it here. On the way back to the airport to go home on the Sunday night, he phoned in a frenzy, so he had cut the time too short to get to airport and was definitely putting the car outside my house now. I told him to take it to the airport and pay for long term storage until he sorted something out, but he refused point blank to do that as it was $15 per day.  mmmmmm he earns $4 per year.  He asked to speak to our other son, who reiterated what i said, passed the phone back to me and said i dont want to speak to him. Then Mark hung up. He was so aggressive it was ridiculous.I dont know where he put the car. Today i get a text from him telling me he is cutting down my weekly payment by 1/3.  I am sure he cant do that, but will check with my solicitor.  Just another thing. But, today i wrote to my solicitor and asked that he put something in writing to request that Mark only deal with the children and finances with me, and have no other communication. I have left doing it off, for i keep blaming myself, but i cant take it anymore. I am sick of being defensive, and having to justify what i believe.Will see what comes of that. I am just so sick of this. I think i will post something on the site to see what other people think