Am doing better again. Tonight Paul comes to visit me in Brisbane and I am kind of happy about that.  I am a bit over traveling to see him all the time, so it is nice he is coming here this time.  MInd you, i had to pay for the airfare - but it wasnt much, and I dont mind doing it whilst i am getting regular money from Mark (for he uses our joint funds to pay for his women). I have told Paul I wont do it afterwards.  Only   a few hundred dollars, but i still dont like funding him.And if he was careful with his funds, Paul would be able to afford it himself i think.  He does not have much money, but manages to spend it on little things which add up.  I tell him not to buy stuff for me, but he does. I am not a hoarder so I dont keep all the little things, but dont tell him that. Some i do, but they are more like flowers that I press etc etc.  He will see a shirt on special for $5 and think he needs to get one as they are cheap, but in reality, he has lots of shirts. Even if they are cheap, it is not a reason to get them.  But, that is not my business, and I made mistakes in the past about telling people what to do and how they should do things, so i tend to shut up (and just moan on this site!) now. Anyway, he is staying until Tuesday. I have a rowing race tomorrow - 10K head of the brisbane and I am pleased he wants to watch me race, for i have never had that before.  He also wants to meet my friends, and i have mixed feelings about that.  Not sure that i want him too ?? because they will think him too much a country bumpkin or 'a bit basic' for me. He will not get on well with Barry (Prues husband) for instance. Barry is a great bloke but well read and likes to chat about lots of things including current affairs. Paul takes no interest in current affairs - in fact too little interest at times. Anyway, i will see how it goes.I sound like a bitch.Just finding my feet and working out what i want. Still. And although mark has not told me so, I see that he is flying down to Brisbane on Sunday, so the two of them will be here at the same time, which i have tried to avoid, for i dont want Mark to meet Paul. Mainly for the fact that he may be nasty and say horrible things. I dont think Mark will cope well with meeting any new man for me, let alone knowing that that man is living in the same house as his boys (albeit only for a few days). I know he will go off his tree at that.BUT, it was only 2 days ago, that again he was on the phone to me telling me he was lonely and that we really should get back together again.I told him that it was not a good reason to get back together if he was lonely. Thats not a good reason.  Then i had to go to bed so i ended the conversation. But he sent a text telling me he would like to talk with me about it again when he is down on the weekend of the 15th. In my silly little head, i thought, Oh well, i will listen. Maybe it is for the best.Silly little head i know.  I have absolutely no idea why i think that way. For now he is coming this weekend, unbeknown supposedly to me, and I spoke to leola at the office and she told me she had to book accom for him - he is staying in the city, and she had to book for 2 people.SO - he is still the same. Telling me he is lonely and wanting to reunite, but having plans already in place with another woman.  Nothing has changed.As i said, i dont know why i even give it the time of day, but i do.  At least i dont get hurt when i find out these things now. Thats something.And i think i am ok with whoever he is with, for i believe that he will never settle. Never be faithful or true.  That helps me get by. I have served the divorce papers and have a court date of 27th Jan. Have to go to court for a hearing (only a minute or two) as our youngest son is not yet 18.  Then i am divorced one month and one day after that. Mark is bound to keep me financially until the time comes that we reach a financial agreement.  I have decided also to use forensic accountants.  There is a risk that by doing that, i will get less than I originally asked for, but there is also a chance that i will get more.  I will have the business valued, that i did not include before.  Apparently it can be valued on its income capacity - and it earns over $4 million per year, so i am silly not to include it.My financial planner (who is a friend of both mark and I), advised me to go that way as he felt i was asking for way too small an amount.So we will see. It will cost money, and will take at least until March of next year. I hope Mark continues to pay me until then.