Am tired from all the rowing and have lost the drive to go out and train at the moment. Luckily only one session left before Champs next week.  I am hanging out to do something different than rowing to keep fit.   Spent some time with Mark at sons soccer this morning. He was ok, did not pester me to get back with him for a change.  He is still distracted, doesnot watch the game but looks around at real estate etc. Nothing has changed. He is only focussed on things about himself, not even his kids. Admitted he was bored. Difference in us - I love watching Nick play and am sad when I have to miss it. Paul is still down. After rowing from 4.15am today - 20km, then working on oars, then driving an hour down to watch nick's soccer, then home again - it was after 1pm. Phoned Paul and he was not even out of bed. He had got out but 'found it too hard to do anything' so lay in bed. I know he is depressed, but to me, that is not trying.  I am sure i am wrong in saying that, but it frustrates the hell out of me. If he can get up and go to the toilet, and get up and make a cup of tea, why not get up and so some other little things?  The thing is, he has no other structure in his life, and while he has none, he has nothing to work for. Thats what i think.I worked with him on a list of things he had to do each day the other day. We set it up for a week. Just little things like showering and shaving and washing and starting his scooter. Nothing challenging.  He was to tick off the things as he did them so he got some organization in his life. His psych said it a good idea too. And the plan was to increase what he was doing. That is the only thing that will dig him out of the hole he is in.But he lies in bed today and does nothing.  God it frustrates me. Today i told him that in a round about way. I know it not right, but i thought that pampering him with 'it will be ok' is not doing anything good for him.He says he is worried about the impact of his 'illness' as he calls it, on our relationship. And i agreed that it was frustrating. He says he thinks he needs intensive therapy, but he is seeing his psych once per week and has structures given to him. I told him that the only person to get him out of the hole was  himself. He has been given tools and he has to force himself to use them. LYing in bed will not get  him better. Will make it worse. I suggested he not allow himself to lie in any later than 10 am. Thing is, he goes from  his bed to his couch. That is all he does all day long.  And i guess, there is nothing else he can do, for he is not working and has isolated himself a bit.  But he can go out and walk, he has a huge, immense amount of cleaning out of his house to do which he could act on, a little at a time. He could volunteer like for meals on wheels or something. I dont know. Something. I have great difficulty with someone who is so terribly down all the time and so negative. On the phone at 1 today i made him go and get dressed. Then i made him walk to the letter box and then start his scooter. It takes me to get him to do that. I dont want to be his strut. I need more than that for me.I hate what we have become. Him the invalid and me the carer. We have no fun. Am pleased i am not living with him or it would drive me insane. He says he would be better with me there, but jeez, i dont want to be the answer to his problems. That is far too much pressure on anyone. I wanted to be his partner, not his saviour.   Tired of the shit in this time of my life. Tired in general from rowing. Need more structure myself and when I get back from my holiday in rome i will either work or start study.  Need something else.