I am still doing really well.I get lonely and i do think i would like to meet someone special rather than those i meet online but i am doing ok.I dont want to be back with mark even if the downside is that i cant be with anyone.I broke my drought and had sex with Paul in Sydney lots of times. He was really really good to me and I dont think i have ever felt so good. He made me feel special. Lots of romantic things first like the stolen kiss and holding of my hands or rubbing my back, and then standing on the manly ferry looking at the harbour lights coming up behind me and cuddling me and then kissing me passionately. I loved that to death. No one can take that away from me ever. no one.It has made me see that i am not unreasonable to expect that.I have Ernie who is also interested in me and has taken me out 2x. I have told him i only want to be friends but he is a little persistent, so i will watch that. I think i have a problem with commitment now and that is ok. I like to have company, but if they want more I push away and dont want them to call, and then if they dont call, i send texts to others just to make sure i am not alone. Like Paul texts me all the time, and i enjoy that, but dont want a relationship with him. He is not my sort at all, and lives a different lifestyle. But if he stopped talking to me i would be lost.and i send messages to Michael and to Sam and to Ernie every now and then just to get them to send me texts back so that i feel wanted.I will need to speak to my therapist about that.It is only messaging so not too bad, and I feel i am better with spending time by myself now, so that is better.