I am having a fantastic time.I worry that I am overcompensating and that I am talking to Paul and encouraging Rob because I like the feeling of being loved and wanted, not because they are particularly great people. Rob is ok but only ok. I think he just wants sex and I dont want that from him.Paul is a great talker with a great sense of humour but someone who is 44 and has had a string of relationships - the longest lasting about 18 months as he gets cold feet. Mind you, that does not matter as he lives in another state, and as much as I would like to fly in right now and jump his bones for a few nights, that is not going to happen. He says we should go camping next year, but I suspect the intensity of our texts etc will slow down now and peter out.Had phone sex with him last night. Never done that before. We had talked about what I like and he did it all. What an amazing voice. I still get excited over it. Started with me by the river under the stars at the stone cottage and he kissing my neck.My god, he spoke slowly and deeply. My god. We both climaxed. He did all the talking as I was just too far gone to talk.I am embarrassed to write this stuff, but I want to be able to remember it.I feel incredibly sexy with him and I dont even know what he looks like.And he texted me heaps of times when I was with mark for Kris' formal. And mark got jealous. Again mark says he sees himself with me and that he is not in a committed relationship with fuckface. I ask him again if I say yes, will he call it off and he says yes. I ask when and he replies "in a few weeks". Prick. Stupid prick. I asked him to just stop saying he wants to be with me when he is living with his slut. He says then that he has to finish it with her and then we will get back on track. I really cannot do that anymore. I was horny yesterday and he was in town, but I could not bear even to think about having sex with him as I find myself revolted by where his dick has been. There is no return from that.And I am feeling very confident and sexy at the moment and it is showing as I get chatted up whereever I go. Emily and her friend said that i get picked up where ever I go, and em says that it is sad her mother gets hit on more than her!I feel good. I feel sexy. I worry that i am going off the rails a bit as I feel i need sex, but i think my boundaries will kick in when they have to.I kissed rob the other night, felt his erection I can tell you. He would have taken it further. I knew I was not ready. And I am still not ready. I am going to themovies with him today, more for the company and to be lusted after than anything else. He is ok, but only ok. And too young and does not seem to have many other interests - not like Paul who is into everything.