I have fallen off my horse.I am as sad as sad can be. I hate it. I am hoping it is as I am premenstrual too. I thought my period was due a week ago, so maybe that is why.I cannot see reason. I know the logic and what is wrong with the situation but I only feel hurt.I asked him by text not to go to the basketball as the season is just starting. It has always been my favourite thing and was spoilt for the last two seasons as slut sat in the stands and each time he went, he looked at her and I got pissed. the two of them ruined it for me.I finally thought I had it back. I got 2 seats in Lyns box for Emily and me and we wanted to laugh, to relax and to have fun like the old days. To socialize with my friends, to do what I love. And now I have the treat that he has apparently organized box seats as well.I asked him not to go, and he said he wont, but I know once the season starts that he will sneak in with her. He has no sensitivity, and perhaps by that time I will be better with it all, but tonight I simply cannot cope.I thought with him sleeping with so many women that I would be able to see her on his arm and just laugh and pity her and not be upset, and perhaps I can be when I am stronger, but right now I cant do it.I am ok with him being with her each day and night even though that is hard, but I dont want them to be in my face. That is fair enough. Townsville is small. I have my rowing which will keep me busy but my social side was to be the basketball and he has potentially taken that away. Made me feel I have to run away again and I am lonely here as I have no friends. I chat on chat lines to men and some of them want to meet me, but that is not real friends - just perhaps men looking for a screw.I enjoy the chats, but it is not really what i want for the type of men online are not necessarily the ones who may be genuine. You hear of some that are, but I am not confident in that.And now I am crying and crying as I cannot cope. He is such a pig. He treated me so badly. I have to focus on what he is also doing to her. He is not affectionate as he claimed to be. He screws other women as well, so he has not tie to her. He keeps saying in his emails that he has no definite direction yet - but of course is spending our money on her. To impress her.You can move her into our circle but you cant take the slut out of her. It is there for ever. She will always have that tag. And as everyone gets to know how many he has screwed, then they will be ok with him, but not as warm or genuine as they are with me.I hate who he is.I hate how he treated meI hate how he abused meI hate how he cheatedI hate how he never looked after me or cared for me or thought about me firstI hate how he does not ask after me only himselfI hate how he hates being affectionate to meI hate how he screws other womenI hate his sneakinessI hate how he said just so many, many bad things to me in one breathI hate how he said good things the nextI hate how he never followed through even his most dear promises.I hate how he supported the slut instead of me even when she abused meI hate how he never even puts his kids before himselfI hate how we always have to do his things and not mineI hate how he uses force to make me scaredI hate how he tells other people that I was clingy and would not leave him but it was himI hate how he tells other that it is my fault he did not leaveI hate his dishonestyI hate how he needs adoration most of all from a relationshipI hate how he does the investments without my opinionI hate how he takes so many risks with our moneyI hate how he got me to do all the things for him that a wife did but cheated behind my backI hate how he has no regard for my health and i need aids tests etc all the timeI hate how he only goes out on the boat now and nothing elseI hate going skiing and the pressure he puts on me to ski hardI hate going clubbing at age 47I hate how he looks at other women all the timeI hate how he makes comments about other women all the timeI hate how he downloads porn and wanks to it all the timeI hate how he disrespects meI hate how he can have me on Hamilton and 2 days later screw a patient at AirlieI hate how 2 days prior he screwed Rowena and same 2 days later than AirlieI hate how he blames everyone else for his mistakes - Lindsay evenI hate how he boasts 35 women and even fixes lindsay up with one if he likesI hate how he thinks he is wonderful at everythingI hate how he never kisses my neck. Ever.I hate how he does not help me down rocks or anything. or carries my bagI hate how he distances himself physically but am pleased he does it with slut tooI hate how he sneaks to meet other womenI hate how he uses Cialis to screw other womenI hate that he just cant sit down and watch tv or stay home for a nightI hate how he says one thing and then does another.I hate how he will say he will not go to basketball but in fact will, for he will see me as socialising and he not. I know it.I am feeling a bit better nowNow he is asking me if I want to go on.At least his head is not in a good space with her. i am pleased with the doubts as they will affect their relationship. Obviously the show pony is not as attractive in the flesh when you have to have her full time. Paper cut out. Not show pony as she is as Linds said "fairly ordinary looking" There is no substance to her he said. Does not speak.I am still pleading for him to not go to the basketball but he really has not committed to no yet. He has clubbing which he always wanted to do and complained about enough, and the boat. I have only that for my social outlet.