I am back in Brisbane, shaken from last night.Had a few nice days on the boat despite the weather. Lindsay was good company too as he asked about me. We have known him for 20 years.Mark was chatting to me and being a little affectionate and we had some good sex but always he managed to bring up his obsession. And then the comment to me last night - when he asked how I was. And I really dont understand why he keeps asking. He does it allthe time. 'Are you upset with me" "are you ok" "do you love me and want to be with me'. I always answer and I tell him I love him.I was with him yesterday afternoon and he made some comment about me being there because i forced myself on him rather than being invited. "I did not want you to come along but you did anyway". Well, he did ask me. It was me who was deliberating about going at all for my own reasons. He did ask me. I kept reminding him that he did so he had no right being upset. And in he next breath -' you are a nice girl, we get on well. I should be happy. We will do ok wont me?". Every hour or so. Then "so am I moving back home next week" and then another time "well, I will move in next week but you will have to deal with my demons and you know you hate that". No joke. All mixed messages.Last night on another boat he asked me how I felt about him and I said about the same as you feel about me, in a joking manner. He just smiled and said "well, that cant be good" or something like that. How hurtful. Then I just went silent as I had to go away from it all.He was in fact quite good until yesterday come to think of it. Yesterday he turned again. At dinner he was not happy sitting where he was as he was not in the action so much. Then he drank too much and put a bottle of wine under his chair so he could have it and then complained when the waitress brought more out to the table. Then some GP said something about Cialis, and he was on the bandwagon. Quite brazenly telling those around him that it was better than Viagra and the bonus is that it works for 36 hours. Quite brazenly. Then the GP said she could give him loads of free samples which of course he jumped at receiving. I leant across at that time and said in no uncertain terms that he did not need Cialis and that he would not need any samples thank you. Then I said to him to button up about it for it was Cialis that gave him the stamina to fuck his mistress and surely it is a sore point for me, him asking for more in front of me.When we got home I asked him if Mistress knew that I was on the boat with him and he deferred the answer as usual. it was plain she has no idea. I know they are talking and I would not mind betting they are seeing each other. It would not be surprising to me that after he picked Lindsay up from the airport on Thursday night, that he organized to go out somewhere so that he could meet her. There is a missed call on his mobile at 10.21 that night. He refused to explain it.Anyway, the upshot of that was that i threatened to let her know that I was with him, and I will. I will wait a few days and I will do it. He got all cranky. Next moment stands up from bed and said "I am leaving you. I am leaving our marriage."  I just answered fine. As he put the light on, I put it off. A few times. He started to get dressed and then the next minute he says "No. I am not leaving. Fuck it. I am going to fucking make your life hell. We are going to fucking live together each day happily. Today is the fucking first day of the rest of our lives. I will make it hell for you"  At the same time, I was lying down and he came onto the bed and grabbed my head and neck region with both hands and u sed the power of his body to shake and shake me violently. It was hurting and I was scared that he was going to hurt me. It was so violent, I could not speak to get the words out to tell him to stop. Then he let go and laid down next to me. I was shaking and could not breathe well and could not say a thing.Then he started talking about of course is he is backed into a corner he will get upset. NO apology. No remorse for what he did. No sorry. Then he goes on talking about the good times we had the few days before that and how we will be ok and then asks for sex. NO JOKE> All happened just like that.I declined sex based on the fact that i was 'very tired from my run". i said it nicely so that he would not get any more upset and thank heavens he accepted that. I just lay there still as a mouse thinking that it would be good to leave the next day after all. At one time while i was being shaken I was going to call out to Lindsay to get him to stop mark, I remember that.it wasnt really bad like being beaten up, but I was very scared and I did feel he would hurt me. It was not just a little shake, it was him using his whole body to rock me side to side. I felt I may have a scratched face from his nails or shins from his toenails, but I dont.this morning he has cool. Not very friendly. Wanted sex - well, said he did and when I agreed just to keep the peace, he did not really want it. He just keeps saying 'you will never leave me. YOu have put up with it for two years so you will continue to do it."  What a horrible horrible thing to say.And I spoke to Lindsay and he says that he can see Mark as a time bomb. He is sick of hearing about her too. He says the skipper of our boat the same. And he made the comment that mark just tells everyone he comes to about it. And Lindsay has only been with him a week, and he is sick of it. Lindsay has been through something similar with a mistress, who made him lose his marriage. He took 5 years to get through it and to call it off with the woman and now lives alone in a different state to his kids. On anti-depressants. And you know, I see that he would like another woman, but I also see that he will seed exactly the same woman as his first wife, for she is in essence what he needs for his soul. This excitement made him feel good for a while, but upended his life with monstrous consequences. And although he says he would not go back to his wife, I know he will seek the same sort of person. In another situation, Lindsay may be a good partner for me as we like the same things.He said he can see that Mark needs to get help and that he will either end up in trouble with the law or something else. He also says he cannot understand him and apparently mark has said to him that it is me who is not letting go and because he has me wanting him and slut wanting him, he feels quite secure in having at least one of us, so feels he can treat us how he likes.when I tell him he does not respect me he says "Oh she says the same". What an absolute fuckwit.Anyway, I am away from it again, and this time I am going to try very hard not to call him or anything, as I know it needs to be done and he needs to go the other way to her. I am confident that he will stay the same man, who is not a nice man at all now. He can be charming but he can be an absolute hurtful pig. And it will hurt him heaps not to be with his kids much and to lose his money.I dont want anyone else yet, but one day i will.