As each day goes by I think more and more about how this needs to be over. I dream about it, I think about it all day and each time I wake up. I think about what i would like and what I dont have, and how he spends each day telling me that he is depressed over another woman and another lifestyle but does not want to leave this one. It really gets me down at times.I try to refocus and I had a good day yesterday. By the time I took my son to the dentist, dropped him at school, went to the city and did a bit of shopping, did some grocery shopping and then came home, I only had an hour before i had to go and pick the boys up from school again. Then we got passport photos and I cooked a roast for them before taking one back to school. The other slept at home with me.I did not have time to be lonely or bored. I think each day would go like that if I moved here. I would do some tuck shop or uniform shop help at the school on a day per week, play golf another day and try to get into some rowing as well as do my other fitness work. I think I would be ok. But the main problem would be that I am just living, for the day. The sense of future and what I am working to as in retirement, as in a couple, would be gone. That bothers me a lot. I am sitting and filling in my days for my kids and when they leave, what is there? I think I need to put in place something like either work as physio or going back to uni to perhaps to counselling. Or get a job of another kind that gives me structure. Perhaps physio as i know that.Mark started again at me last night telling me he is depressed and if he comes home I have to accept his mental state and his obsession over another woman. I have to accept it. That is what he says. I will not.And yet he says he is lonely and does not want to stay at his unit anymore. He does not want to be alone. He says he wants his family and goals etc but that I have to accept that he is depressed and put up with it.I spent a time yesterday thinking about how that whore got stuck into me time and time again when all I did was want to keep my family together and my marriage together. So many times she got stuck into me with emails or on the phone telling me I was not loved or spilling the beans on her and Mark or that pregnancy thing. I am a gentle and caring girl. I do not have a nasty bone in my body. I can say things that sound mean, but I would never do them. Even taking mark's clothes to the aborigines was hard for me and I still feel bad about it - despite all he has done and said to me. That woman is a pure bitch.I know that Mark will resent her after a while for what she has done to his family and how he became obsessed with her. Once he sees her each day and the novelty wears off. I know that, because after only spending a week or so with her, he was already asking me for nude photos and he was already begging me to come back home as he was lonely and missed his life goals etc etc.But, he needs to go and I have to hope that he falls on his arse and suffers big time, while I move forward to bigger and better things. I need to show him my successes while he flounders as he has so much pressure on what this thing with he and slut have, that it is sure to fail. I have to be strong.I am off to a new counsellor today. I am going to get her to help me get the strength and resolve to go it alone.