I had a good day yesterday. I woke feeling ok and stronger after seeing Mark the night before and deciding he was fucked in the head and that I did not want him at all.I went for a 10 k row in a single which was great, and went with friends which was also good. I then met up with some other friends, and my best girlfriend Lyn and we had coffee. She tells me repeatedly to tell him to get lost for she can see my future as the same if I do not make a move.On Wednesday Mark was crying on the phone to me. Yesterday he was his now usual cold self to me, not touching me, not making the usual sexual innuendoes, not making much conversation, just sitting there and looking depressed. Telling me he wants to be with me and he means what he says in that he wants to be with me but also telling me he misses her and wants to be with her.Wed night I was at his unit to see what could be done about his current mental state for he is operating on people whilst crying. He is taking antidepressants again - but I can guarantee he will stop after a week or so, or miss them and not worry. That is who he is and goes with his manic personality. In the end I left his unit as he said something ridiculous about not being close to me again and I cant take it any more. I can cook and clean and look after him when he is down, but for him to give anything back now is impossible. It is the worst it has ever been. And only because he has this cold wall up to me. If he does not want me, then move on and stop telling me to come over or that he does want me. It is driving me crazy.My great day was ruined last night by going over to the boat on his invitation. He suggested I take some dinner and we eat on the boat and I initially said no as he was not sounding positive, but then he called back and I agreed. I told him I wanted laugher and nice chats and to continue my day.But he sits there all quiet and down and depressed, not making conversation, not even eating much. Just sitting quietly. Not sharing. He has obviously had some advice re the buying of another house for the kids when this sells as he said that if he had a mortgage for that, and then had to take a mortgage out to pay me out, that he would not be able to cope. That pissed me off as it means I will not have a place to live in in Townsville if we divorce unless I pay for it out of my share and I was trying to get around that. In the end, I told him he had a duty to get a place for Emily to live here as she has at least 2 more years here, and he agreed - well at the time. I do not trust that. Someone has given him advice on that, as yesterday he was keen enough for me to put an offer on a house that we had seen for 1.2 million. Someone foiled my plan to get a place to live up here for free.That has dampened my mood and today I am down again. Much different to yesterday. I know that I have just not to see him or go to him. He said again last night that he would like her with him there but it was not the practical situation. But he said it again, in my presence. It is like I go there on his invitation and then get given negative reinforcement. So I have to stop going. Or he will just continue.It is hard for me to take, this cold shoulder that he has taken up for me. He has only done it the last fortnight. He is not affectionate at all, He does not mention sex, although he did one time last night. He asked me to stay with him on the boat last night but he would have just been the sad sack and if he had wanted sex, he would have lost his erection, so it would have been another negative for me, so I did not stay, I just left.He said he likes me as a person, but has lost his intimacy for me. He does not enjoy being with me intimately now. What a horrible thing to say. Why ask me around to be with him to tell me that???Then he says he wants to get it back. But how can he get it back by sitting around morose wishing for another woman and blocking me out? Waste of my time and his. And really, do I want it back? Do I want a cheater on my arm, or is it better he is on hers???I have been telling myself that lately. At then end of the day when he goes with her, and they walk around together and I have to cope. I can say "Well, let her have the cheat on her arm. He cheated and lied to me for years and he thinks it is ok. He fully intends to do it again, he told me he would. Let her deal with it now. I know him best. I put up with it for 26 years to keep my family together. He is not the man he comes across as. Believe me. Let the little slut think that she can change him. For a leopard never changes his spots. The man has a mental disorder, that he self medicates for. He has a temper, and is irrational and indecisive. He is a danger to himself and to others. "At the end of the day, do I want someone on my arm who has seen fit to take another woman to Singapore??????? And fucked her silly there?And do you think that if he goes to her now in this current depressive and unstable state, with the pressures she puts on him and that I put on him with divorce, that he will be any better and able to cope any more with her by his side???? When he knows he has uncertainty there and he gave up certainty? That is the reason he will not go. He does not want the uncertainty. Wanker.Today I am going to the races with a girlfriend. Tomorrow I am going to Brisbane to see my boys. I will be ok. I go to a counsellor on Tuesday in Brisbane too.