Feeling crappy again.He sent me a text message last night that said that our marriage was a farce and that if there was not a Rowena or Margaret in the future then there would be someone else.I sent back that he was being pathetic at looking at an excuse for his infidelity in a time when his mind is in a manic state. That we have a perfectly good relationship - and in truth, we do and we did. That I was disappointed in him letting me and the family down as we had been taught by our own family to stick together, but if he had intentions of cheating again and not being the Mark that I loved and married, then he should indeed leave.I left it at that.At 4.30am he is at the front door. Came upstairs and I thought it was for sex, and told him I would refuse. But he lay there and wanted to start discussions again and just said no way.I told him to stop being so dammed negative and to think of only good things about his life that do not include his experiences with slut. If he thinks about slut all day and night, then of course he will never get over her. I told him to go to sleep thinking of good things that make him smile away from her memories and to wake up and immediately think the same. To throw away her memorabilia. AS if he will....Then he went rowing with someone he supposedly saw at the club yesterday. That peeved me as rowing is my sport and I do not want to have to run into him on the river or at the club if we are divorced. Rowing is mine. But I did not say a thing. He came back 30 minutes later as it was too windy to row a double apparently.Then he stayed another hour or so. We did end up having sex, but from my point of view it was more to release some testosterone that may lift him out of his manic state. Who knows, worth a try.I worry that I am clinging on. I can see he is in love with this slut and he has stronger feelings for her than me and that makes me very sad. I have fought for 2 years so that he does not go to her, for if he does, and he is happy, then I will feel more like a failure as I would feel she is better for him than me. Stupid. Yes. Stupid to feel that way.She has taken on a cheat and a liar. A man with a bad temper and that will not change. It is not simply a result of his frustration with his life. It has been there for a long time and will stay there for ever. It is part of who he is. I have to keep telling myself that it is not my fault that he has a temper. It is not caused by me. It is his nature. It will stay there. It will reel its ugly head when his kids dont speak to him, when his money is taken and when he gets frustrated because I make it hard for him at any time during our divorce. Then slut will see it first hand, as she has not seen him in action yet. If she sees him in action, then she will do as I do- either tell him not to be so ridicuous (and he hates being told he has behaved badly), or give him the silent treatment (which he also hates), and then he will see that indeed it was not only me who got upset at the way he treats people. He may see it as coming from himself.I see from the lists in his unit that he has plans to see his solicitor again. He says if he goes with slut then he will rent a house or buy a house here near the river and get a unit in Brisbane and go to Brisbane to see the boys once per month. On my column in the list there is just 'move from townsville, 26 years, book holidays, family' the usual. On hers there is also 'send flowers'. I left the unit feeling very low as I can see that he is besotted with her. I see it as infatuation and based on a ridiculous amount of pressure that he has for their relationship to actually be able to live up to.I asked him again last night why did he tell me those things a month ago? He had just come back from Singapore with her, but felt strongly enough to break it up with her because he missed me and the family more. He told me he wanted another chance as he missed the family unit and the stability and his goals. And he did that after spending a week with her, when his feelings for her should have been the strongest. And now, as usual, time passes and as time passes, his infatuation and fantasy about her grows - it becomes more and more based on fantasy as time goes by. And usually it leads to him contacting her again. That is the pattern. This time he seemingly has not seen her????? And he is manic. He is feral. My advice would be to ride the tide of it all and wait and see. Ride the tide and stick with his feelings from a month ago. But that is me. And what he is giving me at the moment is shit. Sheer shit. And I deserve better.So if he does not ride the tide, then I need to say OK. OK. He will do no better next time.It will be fun but it will be full of difficulties. Full. And why on earth do I have to have someone who cant even hold my hand or give me a decent kiss in my life.I want to meet someone else quickly.