Confused in my head today.Spent the weekend on the boat with him and some others who had chartered it. Had a good time. I like the boat and snorkelling and exploring. I am not so keen on just traveling long distances in it and I could not spend more than a few nights on board without getting off and going for a run or something. I was scared when I first started snorkeling as I dont really like it, but the coral and the fish were absolutely beautiful. And we saw three groups of whales - each one a mother and her calf. They are enormous.He tells me he does not feel affectionate towards me. He can screw me, but he does not feel affectionate towards me. He sees me as a mother, a carer for him and someone who runs the household. That is it.I was upset at first, but then after 26 years, is that not what a wife is anyway?I want some little bits of affection in my life though, and I know he does. If he does not get that from me then who will he get it from????????He is keen to move home and each time I tell him I have had enough and want out as I feel too scarred or worried that he cant look after my basic needs, he always talks me around. I tell him to go and he does not. He wont go.He tells me it is me who is clinging on and not walking away, but it is him. It always has been. No, I dont want to be alone, but I know if I had to that i could be. I would simply move to Brisbane for a time to get over it and to be with my boys.I worry about taking him back for a time and then it not working out and then the boys being grown enough not to need me. Then being alone without anyone needing me. That would be terrible. Horrible. But I guess if I took him back now, and saw how it went perhaps for a few months (if it lasts that long), then it will be ok. Nick has 2 more years of school left after this one. He is the youngest.Emily will be very upset that I give Mark another chance, as will family and friends. But ultimately it is my decision. And this time I have had him out of the house for 3 and a half months. He has been away from that woman as far as I know for nearly a month now. I have spent time with him over the last 3 weeks doing things, and spending some nights together. It has been ok. It is just listening to him talk and hearing his doubts - he does not speak them often, I pick up on them.I feel he thinks he is settling for the next best thing. And he says he does not want to be with her as in the big picture he wants family and security, but he looks as though he misses her. Perhaps it is in my mind as well as I know I am paranoid over it as it has been going on for so long.I think also for him moving back in home is a big step as he actually admits to himself as well as to her (for I am sure she knows that he is not h ome at time moment), that he has made the ultimate decision. Apparently she always said to him that if he moved home then that would be it. I think that is why he has dragged out his moving home. I remember with the texts that he sent her when she was saying she was pregnant, one of them was 'I am not living at home". Just to give her hope I guess.He said this morning he may move things in tonight. I am not sure about it at all. Not at all.I have been watching and listening to him from somewhere outside of my heart and head and looking for signs. A good sign has been on the last few days when he repeats that it feels good to be home and that he is looking at the big picture and wants family. He feels he has nothing when he is at his unit, and certainly only slut when he has her. Home means money, security, long term goals and family. He has said that he missed that all when with her. That would be the only positive.He has not said sorry off his own back still. he says he has had a HIV test, so I will check the result today if I can.Who knows. My guess is that when it is time to move back tonight as he has planned to do, he will just move one or two things home and leave the rest in the unit "just in case".