Well today I am a little sad, a little indifferent.Met him at 5 yesterday to help him and our Skipper get the tender from our boat across to the harbour as it needed repair. So got on the ferry to get us over to the island where our boat is moored and instead of leaving the seat next to him spare for me to sit on, he put his stuff on it so that I had to sit one seat away. Then he was not talkative.He made a few joking comments to his skipper about taking me out to sea and losing me, which I can take under normal circumstances as I generally give the same back, but not at this time. I needed to be shown care and love.I sat inside as it was rough. About 2 minutes from our destination I get a call from our skipper that Mark wants me up top. After a 30 minute journey.Helped with the tender and helped moor the boat again but his mood remained the same. Then I decided to head home as I was simply not prepared to take his moodiness or sadness when it was supposed to be me he was impressing. Always the same. Always he works hard to get me on side for a few days and then relaxes into his moody sullenness.I went to go but of course he stopped me. I told him it was unacceptable to turn up, not kiss me hello, not ask me to sit with him and make joking comments about me falling overboard. It may have been ok for that before but it is not now. I want more than that.And if he meant what he said on the weekend, why has he stopped working on it so soon.And I also saw that although she was not the screen saver on his phone, her pictures are still saved in the photo part and I know he still has their Singapore pictures at his unit. So no matter what his words say, he is not letting himself move on. He wants to keep those memories and wont let it go. I know that to be wrong. I know it will simply lead to more of the same. And for gods sake, it makes me continually feel as if I am not good enough for him. And how am I supposed to live with someone who makes me feel like that and have a normal happy existence. And do I not think more of myself than that? Yes. I do.He wanted me to stay at his unit, and although I felt like I would have liked to have sex with him, I refused to stay. That was good on my part as I would have before. I simply cannot stay in the place where he has had her. I found it very difficult even on my own boat knowing that she had been everywhere on it now, even used the toilets and showers. I would not even go into the main cabin.I still say that the mistress never cares about that, and that it takes a certain sort of person to be able to go onto another womans territory and do what she wants.I was thinking more about how she does all those athletic things and arty things that he loves and maybe she was suitable for him, but she lacks one important thing, and in the general scheme of things, that is the most important thing. She lacks honesty and integrity. She sleeps with a married man. She deliberately hurt me and my children. She deliberately hurt another human being, and especially children. I do not have that in me. No matter what, I could never do it. I could never do it. That makes me a far, far superior being. She could be wonderwoman but with no moral integrity she is nothing.I had terrible news yesterday that my therapist is leaving. I am devastated by that, but I understand that she needs to be with her daughters for a while in Denmark. She is going to help one daughter in Sudan first, so I pray for her safety. She is my soul mate and my mentor. I love her and thank her so much for the wisdom she has directed me into finding. I will be lost without her, but I have to accept change in my life. I will find someone else, perhaps someone not in this small town. It will be easy enough to schedule my appointments at the same time that I am down in Brisbane seeing my boys. And there are many therapists to choose from there, but not here.I see her for the last time on Thursday at 3.I have been thinking about the larni person again. My girlfriend told me today that she was indeed taken aside by admin and asked to stop or she would be sacked. It seems to me that indeed there was not just flirtation. It seems to me there would have had to been more. Why on earth would he go to a solicitor if it was just flirtation and words between them? He simply would not. He would have just used his anger against her and not cared what would have happened, as legally there would be no repercussions as it was her word against his. There must have been more.And that means that he was cheating on me with her at the same time he was seeing Fuckface. Cheating on his mistress too.And when I look at him. Sure, I can see he is drawn to fuckface for all those physical things that he seems to adore in her. But when she is his world and he has her, some friends but less money, the continued wrath of his kids as well as no support from me, then he will continue his moodiness, his sullenness.I asked him last night if he was moody with her and he said no. But then, they only had a week or so here in constant company. Not where he had an extended time with her when his kids would not speak to him, or that I was making him sell all our assets so that we could settle our divorce. I would make sure that I would make him sell, just to see him angry for a change.When I think about how he said to me "get a grip, you have sat around crying for 2 years for gods sake", I get really pissed. Did I sit around, or did I extend myself physically and psychologically over that time. I did not sit around. I cried sure, but I got on with it and I made myself do things that pushed me to achieve and be successful. It was he who sat around with his illicit affair and did absolutely fuck all. Not me. Not me at all.How on earth can I even think about getting back with him. He does not chase me for any more than a day or so, then he gets back into his same routine. He has photos of her still. I checked today at his unit after he promised to get rid of them last night.I know he finishes work around noon today, but he has made no effort to call me and do something. No flowers. No tickets for a holiday. No changes to routine.He apparently got angry with the qantas person yesterday as he tried to change his ticket so that he could go down to Brisbane Friday night to see his boys before he went to perth. They wanted him to buy a ticket to Brisbane ($300) and then said it would also cost another 27,000 frequent flyer points to change his Brisbane Perth leg. In the scheme of things where this man earns in excess of 3 million dollars per year, it should have been enough. He paid for her to go to Singapore $2500, but wont pay $300 to see his kids in Brisbane. It is sad really.Today I plan to try to keep busy and not contact him. I need to do that. I need to stand firm. And I am not going to organize marriage counselling for us while he has photos of her in his posession. It would be a waste of time and energy for in his mind he is holding onto her.