Dinner last night went well. He picked me up in his car and it took all my courage to sit on the seat where I know he has had his slut. I want to scrub it with bleach before I sit on it.I had this thing that he would go and do dinner and so forth like we did last night and take her as his partner and not me and that bothered me immensely. Dont know why.But last night at dinner they were his golf friends and all except one couple on their 3rd marriage. I like them, they are nice people. But one guy made mention of Singapore a few times to Mark and it was quite hurtful to me even though it was a joke. Mark did not laugh at it thank heavens, but to hear it from my point of view was enough.I have this ability to look at things as an observer now and that helps me a lot. Almost indifference. I sat there and thought, well, if it was her sitting here firstly I would not have missed out on a wonderful time, and secondly the comment made by that person may well have been in reference to mark and I rather than the Singapore thing which was reference to her. I would not miss that if I could not go to dinners like that.There is one couple- my good mate Eddie and his wife. I would miss them and I would be miffed that they would accept his slut as his partner as I would have hoped they would instead shun him as Eddie has always looked after me. But the others I would not care.And I guess I would get used to that, as it is not really for acquaintences to take sides. My good friends would take sides, my side.Today I am supposed to be going away with him for the night. I am worried sick about that. First as I have to tell my daugher and second that I will actually have to sleep in the same bed as him and possibly have sex and I am still revolted by it.BUT, now is the time to look at it as an observer from the outside and see whether or not he has changed, he is over her or he is showing what I need to see to make things better.It is not the place to let him move back home and then look for those things. It is to look before I even think about getting him home.He made some comment last night about wanting to come in and stay the night but I told him no. I was not ready. This was now at my pace. He got a bit peeved at that but I dont care. If I am worth it and he means what he says then he will be patient.After he left at about 10pm, I followed my instincts and drove to his unit to see if in fact he had gone straight home and did not have her with him. His car was there and his light turned off about 5 minutes after I got there, so he was alone. That is a start.I dont want to spend my life doing that. I did it last night because I want to make absolutely sure that he is not lying this time, and that takes snooping big time for a while. I wish I had his internet password.This morning I rowed in a pair for the first time with my good rowing pal who has the same drive for fitness as me. I have been wanting to row a pair with her for ages as I think we will do well. Our coach came out for about 1km and then left us to it but not after suggesting to us that we train it seriously for states, nationals next year and world masters the year after! We had never rowed a pair together before, although we sit in stroke and 7 in the womens 8 so we have good timing. It was a lovely row for the first time. Not tippy or uneven. We did not get our blades off the water but I am sure that will come easily enough with another few rows. If I could keep that up, it would give me a good goal.We row a double together and that goes fairly well, but the pair felt better. I do like sweep rowing much better than sculling.yesterday I rowed the single scull again to the weir and back although I was not so confident. I am getting better now. It is good for me and gives me strength as it takes courage for me to be on the water in small boats.