So today I went to my therapist and she helped me with a lot of things. She agreed with me on one issue. Each time that I have mark pursuing me, I dont want to get back with him, but each time he is with her, I want him like crazy and cant move on. i felt it was because while he is with her, he is still telling me that he wants me so gives me hope and it is because of that hope that he gives that I am at rock bottom, but not quite. I cant go forwards as I have no idea of whether forwards is with him or without him. And yet I am not at rock bottom with no hope of being with him. so it puts me in nowhere land.That is why i felt so bad last week.And she said I have not made any mistakes. I have been honorable and tried to keep a relationship together when I have been encouraged to do so by my partner. He has failed me. I have not made mistakes.My daugher came home this morning and we cried together and made up. I have to keep telling her to lead her own life and to trust me with mine. I will not let her see me go through anything else. She really needs to get a place with her friends now too and move out even though I will miss her dearly. but she needs to move on with her life and not get stuck in this crap.My therapist also said that those people who think in terms of 'what can i get out of this, what is in it for me, I am doing this because it is what I want, I need to do it my way' never really achieve happiness but they will spend their life chasing it. it is only those who think in terms of others and how can we help each other, that achieve real happiness, and I know that. I feel the best when I have helped someone else. And I love doing it.She also said that if I take Mark back then I will have to adopt an attitude of indifference to his selfishness. I think I have done that for years. She said he will always look for more and more and it may be that he has more affairs. I said I would leave if he did and that he has no more chances but in reality, I have said that a thousand times, and each time I see myself back. So that is crap. My goal is to actually follow through on that promise.Tonight I am going to dinner at some friends place. Mark is picking me up and we are going together. I am treading carefully. Listening for what I need to hear. Listening for what I know I will hear and that will be the same empty words. but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. The good thing is that now I know at the end of each day with her he felt an emptiness and that he did in fact miss his kids terribly. So if he goes to her I will not stress about him being happy and me not. For I will have everything in my life that I have and more. He will have just her and be always searching for more but while he puts his needs first, he will always search and never find.Really, he needs someone to prop him up. That has been me. I think he needs to accept that. I dont know if I want to be that person and get nothing back in return any more.