I had a really bad day after last night finding he had an airfare booked to take the slut over to Perth to meet his folks. I rang him and got him in the movies with her and told him I was incredibly upset at his actions after him telling me on the phone he wanted to get back with me last night. He immediately got defensive and said that he would take back what he said to me and when I said fine, he changed his mind and said, no, he would not take it back.He had her booked on the same flight that I was going on. I had booked it earlier. It was a coincidence but there was no way I was letting her on it.Apparently last night they talked about their relationship and he said they made some ground as to finishing it. I am at a loss as to why they need to finish it over days when I think things are better ended quickly and with anger, as anger allows you to move on. But he insists he wants to finish it and wants until Monday 10pm to do so.He then says he wants to come home. He misses not seeing his kids each day and does not want to be a part time dad. He misses me as happy go lucky as she is not so. Apparently I am also a better cook!! Nice. Nice.He has told me all of this. I cried and told him I could not go on anymore and he begged me to give him this last amount of time as he feels it is what he needs to do.I explained that letting her go slowly would still give heartache and I did not think it would sever ties but rather make them stronger as they have more respect for each other. I dont know how it works but that is what I think.Anyway, I am trying to force myself not to believe in him. I know my heart and I know it will cling onto this shit and I know I will get one last terrible blow when he gets to Monday and decides he needs more time or cannot call it off after all. He even gave me a guarantee that he would call it off. A guarantee this time.How I wish I would be strong enough to say no once and for all. I tried today, I said it lots of times and even when he came out with his anger in response to something I said and he said 'well, we will call it off then", and I agreed, he turned around and said "no, I want to be with you. I have made my mind up to be with you." "I am with her but I have been sad the whole time. I think of you and the kids and the family and while she is a great girl and I could have a relationship with her, I have been sad most of the time I am with her".That all well said and done. But why does he need this weekend to fuck her or take her somewhere? "Plans have already been made". My guess is that he is taking her on our boat for the weekend and perhaps her sister or family too. That is a likely plan as he would not go away to Berlin and then Singapore and then come home and go anywhere else as he loves his boat too much not to go on it for a whole month. That is what it will be.I was in his room and a text came from her about her hitting golf balls well and should she get some ice to put in the esky on the buggy with the food and drinks. I deleted it but I told him she sent it. By me seeing him for so long in between patients, I made him run late and I think he would have missed golf anyway.I called by his unit on the way home from my meeting and he was up there and said it was not a good time, but her car was not there. I think he was expecting her. Anyway, the golf did not get done. That is something.Now I am just sitting here in limbo again waiting for him to again hurt me. I have allowed myself to be hurt again by knocking on the door of the clown. I know that.I did get some information from my solicitor today and he advised against doing anything related to our current business, so at least that is cleared up for me.I can go onto another plan.Going to a friends home for dinner. I have looked after him many times when he was suicidal. Now it is his turn to take care of me. His girlfriend is cooking dinner for me.Why am I such a stupid weak person I can put up with his shit.Pehaps I feel bad today as I took a sleeping pill late last night.