The good news is that although my foot is still sore and I must use a crutch to help me walk, I can play golf ok and I can row without pain! I am so pleased with that as those are the things that I love and help me mix with others and get stronger and enable me to be my happy self. I may limp elsewhere and have trouble doing simple things around the house, but I can golf and row! I even played a decent game today with a nett 75.I am rowing this afternoon at 4.30 too so I can get my exercise in which is important to me.Went to dinner with the kids after my row last night. Had a good time with them. One goes back to Brisbane today as he has some parties to go to before school starts. I take the other with me on Sunday.Had the usual calls and texts from Mark. He sent me texts all day asking for nude photos and I have been shocked and amused at it. For if he loved this other woman, would he be doing that? He is cheating on her. When I spoke to him later and intimated that their relationship was doomed he asked why????? Stupid. yep.He said to me the same old stuff about him getting her out of his system. But he has been texting me and talking to me during the day as well as her. He is still doing the same revolting things with us and he thinks it is ok. I can look at it from the outside and laugh as I think he is sick in the head and will never end up in a meaningful relationship and I can see exactly how much I must have propped him up for years.Apparently he told the girls at the office on Monday that he would "probably go home". When I asked him not to go clubbing on Friday or Sat nights he got pissed at me telling me he would not change his life to keep his daughter happy. (she is going out clubbing those nights and she is 19 not 47 and we have a small town so they will run into each other) I hung the phone up on him with that comment as I could just see that he would never change and cant even put his kids first. He rang back and said that he would not do it on those nights "but what about Thursday?". He is like some child. Most people clubbing are in their 20's not late 40"s. Anyway, his life.He made some ridiculous comment about how he did not expect to be with her for long and when I said something about what did she think about her transient time with you - his comment was "I dont care what she thinks". What a lovely man.I could have phoned her with this information, but what would I achieve. Let her find out for herself and let her hurt him if she can. Or him hurt her. I have to let it run its own course and not interfere, for in reality I cannot have such a man who he is back in my life.I am stunned by the sheer lack of common sense from him. It is almost borderline insane. I get upset at him saying nice things to me on the phone and by text and then knowing he is doing exactly the same thing to her at the same time. That makes me very upset. But I force myself to just look at him from outside the circle and take stock of his behavior for it is not something I can tolerate so I must continue my journey away.Problem is, I like him calling me. I like him pursuing me. It means he has not let me go. And why that is important to me, I do not know. Perhaps because it means I am important? But I know I am not really important to him other than convenience as he does not want to be alone.I really think he needs to go on his own journey and to get hurt and to struggle before he will grow and become honest. It is best I just keep cool with him, and really, wean myself off of needing his calls. It will help me move on quicker.tonight he comes back to Townsville and although he says he is not in a committed relationship with her, I am sure he will have her over at his unit in his bed for the rest of the time. Although he says he will not have this, he will, for he cannot be alone. Andhe cannot understand how much that hurts me but indicates to me that he would like to get back with me when it is 'out of his system". This is insane.I will fill my days and get myself busy as a bee despite my foot slowing me and paining me as it does. I will fill my days so that I can move on and forget him. God, I wish someone else would walk into my life and pay me some attention. Someone who I was attracted to rather than someone who I may like just as a friend. I am sure I would let go of mark in a jiffy if that happened.
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My stbx can\'t be alone either. He neglected our new business because he \"had\" to go see the GF for several days every week. He \"had\" to move her to our town and move in with her even if it meant alienating our teenagers. Also, his ego is such that I\'m sure it won\'t take long for him to cheat on her as well. Just remember we are better off without poison like this in our lives. We have been living our lives trying to please them all the time. Well enough is enough! Time to start living life for ourselves. I know it is lonely now, I\'m lonely too, but I know that if I keep working on becoming the best person I can be, the right man will come into my life and I will be strong enough to have a relationship where My needs are met, not only his. Hang in there! You are strong and deserve so much better than this!
I think I am getting stronger. I seem to have to cope with different things each day, and I get through, so I must be better. Tonight they are obviously flaunting their relationship on the town for the firs time as previously he had to sneak around behind closed doors. That is bothering me, but after a few days or a week or so of this, then I will be able to deal with it. I stressed at not being able to cope with them together in Singapore last week and I am ok with that now. They have slept together already so I am ok with that. It is just the flaunting of it in front of people I know now that I am having to come to terms with, for this is a small town. I have a great alliance with most here, so I will now have to expect a few calls saying they saw him. Already had one today about the \'brassy blonde piece of trash\' by his side.
I am working on spinning a protective web around me at night and trying to put another layer on each day, so that I get stronger with him and get past this addictive thing I have to him that makes me want to call him. It is unreasonable and based on stupidity. I listened to the way he spoke about her last night to me and it was just so disrepectful, and he is supposedly in love with her. What man can say \"I dont care what she thinks\" about someone he supposedly loves. I have no yearning to get someone back in my life whose idea of love is so very different to mine.
I spoke to a friend today and he said that the reason mark keeps accusing me of lecturing him or being angry with him is because of his own guilt. The perpetrator apparently gets angry with those who try to make him see the error of his ways, as deep down they know they are wrong, but dont want to accept it. His anger and his accusations to me of lecturing him is therefore just his guilt. Good. I hope he chokes on it.
I am stronger and I certainly deserve better than this. And we are not alone. I agree.
I am looking at a womens travel group based in the USA and am thinking of doing a trip with their group to Iceland in September. Have you heard of the group. It has an internet site.