Today I woke up feeling better and much more positive about how I should not want Mark back in my life. I was happy with that, as it was the first time.I am managing to keep the stress I face of thinking about them together in Singapore under control. I have to force myself not to let myself think of them. The level has perhaps gone down one notch.I woke up better, but I still faced the day with sadness and yearning for my life to be back as it was, to be married and to feel loved and protected. I still feel a huge desire to want him to come back home and tell me he does not want to be with her after all and missed me too much.I am stupid for thinking that for two reasons. Firstly, how can they not have a good time on a fantasy holiday together when they can screw in luxury away from the prying eyes of home, the judgemental eyes of friends and the stress of home life? Of course they will have a ball and it will cement in his mind that he has made the right decision. I know that.Secondly, if he did come home and then tell you after spending a week screwing her at your expense that perhaps he didnt like her as much as he thought he did, would you really be able to accept him back into your life and pick up where you left off? REALLY? No, of course not. Too much gone on. Too many lies. I could push it all to the back of my mind, but it would show up in some form or another which would destroy me or us both eventually. And I would also lose respect for myself and from my children and friends for accepting in him that sort of treatment.I have to force myself to give up on him as it is for the best. I have to keep thinking of the horrible things he has done to me and his selfishness and narcissistic personality that has caused me grief for many years.Today I am taking a bag of his good clothes that I kept aside when he moved his stuff out (it is nice stuff that I bought him and I was not going to let him wear it to impress his slut), to the group of aboriginals that reside in the park just to the south of our city. Could give them to the salvos, but I think it may have better impact if he saw his favourite shirt on a man in a park. These people drink too much and loiter, and are in a pattern of life they have difficulty in changing. They dont have much money and it is cool here at night, so I am helping them too. Besides, if I took the clothes to the salvos, people would have to buy them to get them. Here I am giving them away.Sounds like nastiness on my part, but I need to do it as part of moving on. I am also having a ceremonial burning of other stuff.The good stuff and his personal papers I will drop to his unit.