My first entry.To put things really simply and in brief, I have been in a marriage for 22 years, but one that has been troubled by infidelity over the past 2 years.I am an extremely forgiving and kind woman and have taken my husband back on his promise of faithfulness and genuine love countless times over the past 2 years.I have seeing an analyst who has helped me dearly and today I am a confident woman who is able to stand up for herself and say no to any more of the same.I kicked my husband out again 3 weeks ago - and he is not a stupid man intellectually - he is a specialist surgeon, after once again finding him in contact with his mistress. I said no more. And of course since then there have been the promises of 'no more lies' and 'I want only to be with you'. I did not relent this time, and did not let him move back in despite him appealing to that soft part of my heart that truly loves him despite his behavior.I went to Sydney rowing in the aust champs this last weekend, and he turned up to surprise me supposedly to support me. I guess he did in his own way. Not how I have supported him over the years by any means, but indeed an effort. He has been promising me he wants to come back to me and the family. He did so all weekend.Today I find again that he has been communicating with the other woman. It seems it is the same old story. He tells her he wants to be with her and me he cannot be with her. Why she hangs around I do not know. (money I suspect).Today I have told him to leave me alone once and for all. To let me heal and get this out of my life.I know I need that but I am so scared still of being alone.I have a multitude of friends who are there for me at the drop of a hat. I have a wonderful family and fantastic therapist. I am still scared.I know there are others who have done the same as me. Gone back for more when everyone tells them to walk away.We were meant to go to Berlin in three weeks time as a way to healing. Now he will take the mistress. That stresses me even though I know it is better I find time to go to Berlin with someone on my arm who is at least honest with me. I dont want her to be on his arm and yet I dont really want it to be me as I dont trust him.I suspect this confusion is normal. I have had it for two years and my story really sounds pathetic on paper. But it has happened and here I am.I know what i need to do. Everyone tells me.I know it is for me an ultimately my children as they are grown teenagers who now hate their father for how he has disrespected us.I am toying with the idea of leaving town (and my daughter at uni) to be with my boys in Brisbane (they are at boarding school). If I leave town though, I leave my support network, my rowing network and the things I love and then she would just slot into his life in the community as me.Realistically I know their relationship is doomed and I think perhaps I should let it go with the flow and get it over with. By the time they work that out for themselves I will be fine on my own and god willing be having such a good time I will not want to go back!Anyone else done anything so silly? And if so, what am I going to go through now?