15 Weeks

Today is 15 weeks since Dad left us.I woke early this morning thinking of that day 15 weeks ago.What i find hard is that it all happened so quick that day.I knew Dad was going to go one Day soon but not that day and i didn't get the talk that i thought we would have.The talk about the boys,me and Marc,to make sure i look after mum and my brother.To tell Dad I love him even though i told him every day and for Dad to tell me even though i new.When Dad went into the hospice it was so hard  he didn't like to be away from home and they said it would not be for long.I always told him when i left "love you" but Dad could only say you too.He always said "Love you" before he went in.I think he found it hard as he was always full of tears when we left.Also one of the things that sticks in my mind is earlier that day when Dad was sitting in the chair i kept staring at him,i think i was just looking for any change and his eyes kept going funny.He told me off because i kept staring and i felt awful.So when he had his few turns,Panic attacks nd they gave him his injection i was too scared to look to long or talk to him incase he would wake up and tell me off again.We all stood round the bed after his last turn and his lungs were filling up.Nobody said anything we all should of been able to but i suppose we didn't want to start each other of or we were hoping it wasn't going to happen Oh i don't know.All i know is i did say to my brother in the end do you think Dadcan hear us and he said yes  so i said Dad we love you  and within a while Dad took his last couple of big breaths and he was gone.I stroked my dad'sarms and held his hand told him i loved him gave him a kiss from the boys and told him i would look after mum and wayne.I didn't want to leave my Dad that night.Mum nad Wayne left first and i had a few monutes with my Dad alone and as i walked out i said goodbye and shut the curtains.