Day Ten

I had a kind of minor disappointment today, but for once I didn't beat myself up about it.  That's some real progress.  I don't quite feel what I'd call happy yet, but more and more I have to admit that I'm not UNhappy.  That's progress, too.  
I've been retired for two years this month, and I think I'm beginning to get used to it.  For much of the first year, I worried about not accomplishing anything.  For all of the thirty-five years I was in academic life, I always had a project going.  I published articles and books and had relationships with colleagues that resulted in publications and presentations, and I got a lot of fulfillment out of those activities.  It was strange not having those connections and not always having a project I was working on.  I'm gradually coming to understand that just because I'm not in that life anymore, my life as a useful person isn't over. I know there are people who never leave their past lives behind, and are productive up until the end of their lives, but just recently I realized that I no longer wanted to be like that.  I've found a certain contentment in that.  For once in my life, I don't have anybody looking over my shoulder, expecting things from me.  There's a freedom in that that I didn't completely appreciate at the time of my retirement.  For the first time in my life, I can do exactly what I want, when I want.  I think I found that freedom overwhelming in the beginning, but I'm beginning to like it.