Waiting

This waiting for things to happen stuff is killing me. I';m wiating till friday till I see my doctor, I need to prepare to see the next. I need to keep focused on tasks, and I need knowledge! I been sticking around the house, moping , but getting things I need done quickly now. Some I am just going through the motions while my anxiety is becoming worse. I sit, and breathe, I color, I do art. I keep telling myself do not cut. You will get through this and clean and not throw a mental. I always thought that the reason I would be triggered to want to use, would be a situation I am now going through, I just am overwhelemed with support in the uncomon places. Its so ice to know i have family to rely on. I am prapering for this doctor by sending information, ahead of time, getting my supports to be there on time, and counting on others to efeciently do their jobs, while I wait in agnoy.This doctor will tell me one thing, another dr. will say another. All I know is I would rather, spend my life living in it, I refuse to spend my life dying in it. So Keeping a positive attitude is getting me through the depression. I'm taking things one day one problem at a time, and not be triggered by forces beyond my control. When I take medical trans it takes so much out of me. That by the time I am home, I am unwell. But I got to stay on top of things so I don';t sink.