Well, today is my first journal entry. I joined the site a few months ago, finally came back today. My brother speaks about the site a lot, which is what brought me here. I sure could use some good people in my life, and some support, and feedback! I't is Tuesday, I woke up at nine thinking i need a pick me up to start my day. I usually visit my brothers website, it has so many positive articles! I woke up in the middle of the night, like i usually do, saying to myself over and over, until i fall back to sleep, "today is going to be a good day". It works to an extent. I don't sleep all that great. Well, I think I will go get some sun. Maybe the beach again.
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I rec\'d an email today, have gotten several in the past, but today i decided to come back online to daily strength. I\'ve thought about off and on. Maybe today there is some force telling me to do. I believe we are guided towards things for a reason. When i joined my mother and fathers death was still extremely raw. I have only recently began to accept a little, i think. Although i did think my mom was walking up to my door the other week. It was my neighbor. She was wearing the same jacket, looks a little similar. But, it about gave me a heart attack, i thought that it was her so much for a few seconds, which felt much longer. It\'s amazing how many thoughts go through your mind in only a few seconds. Anyway, the reason I didn\'t continue on this site was I was concerned It would make my mourning worse. I wanted to just forget the things that happened. Now, I am back to look for support in various ways. MaYBE even help a few. Oh, that\'s right, I was worried i would get caught up trying to help to many others. I tend to do that, which helps me avoid my problems. I am here for bipolar disorder, parenting my teenager, oh my gosh..she was an angel until dec. she turned sixteen, and that was all she wrote. It also, i think, has something to do with her missing her grandma. She was extremely close to her. She was her rock as well as mine. We don\'t have much outside support at all which makes it so much more difficult. gosh, i am writing a book. which, i have always wanted to do, shew , it you heard some stories. I also still need to deal with my grief of the loss of my parents and the actual deaths themselves. I feel so alone, like nobody understands. (i\'m talking about how they died, and me taking care of them. My mom, literally died in my arms. I don\'t want to get caught up in a lot of negative talk. I prefer to try to move forward. Oh, I also I would like to maybe share my anger problems. I wish i get help with that. Well, if you read all this I really appreciate and look forward to meeting some wonderful people!! Thanks