Alright, because it's Mother's Day
and because some of us are struggling a bit with it
(oh, who the hell am I kidding? I'm over-sensitive, Kimmie's been crying, Katie's a bit bereft and I think Kathy's just a little out of sorts).
So I'm going to tell you the joke my dad told today.....
(my mom was trying to write it down so she could give it to someone else to read aloud later on........... Mom's "joke-challenged"..........
I was telling her to: "Just say no to jokes Mom.......... Just say no to jokes" and also: "A joke is a terrible thing to waste!"........
and dad had tears streaming down his face as he was telling it because he can't tell a joke without laughing...........
So CLEARLY I got all the good "joke" genes because I CAN remember a punch line and I can also get through the set-up without giggling like a hyena in heat........ AND ANYWAY........)
So this little old lady goes into a major bank branch of this huge, metropolitan city and asks to speak to the manager. He comes over to the desk where she's sitting and asks if he can help her....
"Yes," she says "I'd like to make a rather large cash deposit."
"Oh?" he replies "how much did you have in mind?"
"One hundred sixty seven thousand dollars" she said.
"In cash?! And what is it that you do that would involve such large amounts of money?"
"I make bets" said the old girl with a slight smile on her face.
"Bets......... you mean gamble?" he asked. "Well yes" she said.
"For instance........... I could bet you 25,000 dollars that your balls are square" she said sweetly. "Square?............. 25,000 dollars that my balls are SQUARE?" "Well yes" she repeated. "But that's ridiculous"
he responded "you'd never win!" "So you agree to the terms?" she asked him.......... "I suppose I do" he said with a curious and bemused sort of tone. "Of course," she told him "I'll have to bring an attorney to verify all of the proceedings." "Well yes, I can understand that." he concluded. "Shall we meet back here in my office tomorrow at about the same time?" "I'll be here." said the little old lady upon which she turned and left the bank.
So he goes home to check the specifics of the wager. Because naturally he wanted to be certain that they were in fact still round....
and returned the next morning to the bank.
The lady arrives, attorney in tow and the three of them go into the manager's office............
Where she says to him: "Now you do understand that I will have to actually check the item in question to determine which of us has won." "Oh of course." responded the manager who obediently undid his belt, pants and boxers and dropped them to the floor. As he did, he noticed out of the corner of his eye; that the attorney was beating his head against the wall. "Odd" he thought to himself as the old gal leaned over to inspect the merchandise. "As you can see and, er, rather, feel........ I shall in fact win the bet............."
Thump, thump, thump goes the head of the attorney.
"What in the world is he DOING?" he finally asked.
"Well" she replied with a gleam in her eye.......
"I bet him 100,000 dollars that I could get you into your office
where you would voluntarily drop your pants and put your balls
in my hand!"...................
Because there's nothing like a good penis joke
(don't split hairs....... the joke WAS about what the penis is attached to) among friends............. with the blues........... on Mother's Day.
I love you guys!
and because some of us are struggling a bit with it
(oh, who the hell am I kidding? I'm over-sensitive, Kimmie's been crying, Katie's a bit bereft and I think Kathy's just a little out of sorts).
So I'm going to tell you the joke my dad told today.....
(my mom was trying to write it down so she could give it to someone else to read aloud later on........... Mom's "joke-challenged"..........
I was telling her to: "Just say no to jokes Mom.......... Just say no to jokes" and also: "A joke is a terrible thing to waste!"........
and dad had tears streaming down his face as he was telling it because he can't tell a joke without laughing...........
So CLEARLY I got all the good "joke" genes because I CAN remember a punch line and I can also get through the set-up without giggling like a hyena in heat........ AND ANYWAY........)
So this little old lady goes into a major bank branch of this huge, metropolitan city and asks to speak to the manager. He comes over to the desk where she's sitting and asks if he can help her....
"Yes," she says "I'd like to make a rather large cash deposit."
"Oh?" he replies "how much did you have in mind?"
"One hundred sixty seven thousand dollars" she said.
"In cash?! And what is it that you do that would involve such large amounts of money?"
"I make bets" said the old girl with a slight smile on her face.
"Bets......... you mean gamble?" he asked. "Well yes" she said.
"For instance........... I could bet you 25,000 dollars that your balls are square" she said sweetly. "Square?............. 25,000 dollars that my balls are SQUARE?" "Well yes" she repeated. "But that's ridiculous"
he responded "you'd never win!" "So you agree to the terms?" she asked him.......... "I suppose I do" he said with a curious and bemused sort of tone. "Of course," she told him "I'll have to bring an attorney to verify all of the proceedings." "Well yes, I can understand that." he concluded. "Shall we meet back here in my office tomorrow at about the same time?" "I'll be here." said the little old lady upon which she turned and left the bank.
So he goes home to check the specifics of the wager. Because naturally he wanted to be certain that they were in fact still round....
and returned the next morning to the bank.
The lady arrives, attorney in tow and the three of them go into the manager's office............
Where she says to him: "Now you do understand that I will have to actually check the item in question to determine which of us has won." "Oh of course." responded the manager who obediently undid his belt, pants and boxers and dropped them to the floor. As he did, he noticed out of the corner of his eye; that the attorney was beating his head against the wall. "Odd" he thought to himself as the old gal leaned over to inspect the merchandise. "As you can see and, er, rather, feel........ I shall in fact win the bet............."
Thump, thump, thump goes the head of the attorney.
"What in the world is he DOING?" he finally asked.
"Well" she replied with a gleam in her eye.......
"I bet him 100,000 dollars that I could get you into your office
where you would voluntarily drop your pants and put your balls
in my hand!"...................
Because there's nothing like a good penis joke
(don't split hairs....... the joke WAS about what the penis is attached to) among friends............. with the blues........... on Mother's Day.
I love you guys!
Replies
ROFLMAO!
A guy walked into a psychiatrist\'s office wearing only saran wrap. The psychiatrist said: `well, I can clearly see you\'re nuts. (this one always, always made my son laugh, still makes me laugh no matter how many times I hear it...and again...it\'s about the attachments)
You indeed have great joke jeans oops...genes.
and this is about a guy that is attached to the attachments...hubby just read the original joke, laughed like a nutburger, then read my first comment and asked what \"that word is\"....so I \"pronounced\" it for him like \"roflmayo\"...he repeated it back as \"roflmayo\" with a dumbfounded look on his face...I told him it\'s a sandwich topping...again, it\'s about the attachments.
OH MY GOD JANINE, YOU ARE SO FUNNY!
hmmmmmmm looking for my marks... doctor lawyer indian chief... heck an arab shiek is ok... they\'d probably have the money to pony up... *Smile*
I had to come back... thinking about calling people \"marks\"... we had a young man come to drive cab... as he\'d pick up each fare he\'d get on the radio and tell me he had his mark... After about 3 days I finally got him off to the side and explained to him while he might consider them marks... uh.... it was best not to say so in front of them... LOL