GREAT GAWD ALMIGHTY!!!!!
Someone could have warned me that ya'll been comparing notes with P whilst I've been toiling in the adolescent-infested "Salt Mines".....
(I say salt mines because the hot flashes and night sweats make salt into a food group at my age---- da dum, da dum YOUNG age that it is) and now the bloody bird is BUZZING ME in my own home! Seriously ladies (and I use the term loosely lest my tongue be struck by lightning)! You'd think she was some kind of W.W.I flying ace! You should consider yourself warned that if she "bombs" me................
I'll be taking it out on you!....................
Be afraid.
BE VERY AFRAID!...........
I am bone weary........
The "bright eyes" and "bushy tails" belong to P and Luna (the Evil Chin) respectively and I'm reasonably certain that unless I can wire the hat up to my alarm clock so as to lift me bodily off my can (propellers remember?!) at dawn...... It's entirely possible that vertical will only be a state of my mind rather than an affect of my body!
Now you MUST think about the tune to "I Left My Heart In San Francisco"............
I................. LIKE MY CAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN
IN HORIZONTAAAAAALLLLLLLL.
FLAT ON MY ASS, TO WATCH TV.
WHEN I COME HOME....... TO HORIZONTAAAAAAL.......
MY SILLY PETS WIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL
WELLLLLLLCOMMMMME MEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The kids beat me up pretty bad today.
Then home to quick-tidy the house, grab a bite, hit the grocer
and go pick up my Sugarpuss. I really am back up at
dawn though and Christopher left a voicemail saying he
may be flying back in tomorrow night (because I REALLY
NEED a schedule that revolves like one of those department-
store glass doors) so I'm not entirely sure what the next few
days will hold...............
I'll get back as soon as I can..........
My heart and my smile miss you more than you know.
And I most assuredly DO NOT bring it on myself Missy Sybil!!!!
............. Right?!!!!
Cause, really, no one could say that I'm not the soul of propriety!
That I do NOTHING whatsoever to incite any kind of misbehavior or acting out........
I did, after all, bury the embers of the rhodie and pressure wash
the bird-bath....................
Ok, maybe the last of the ladyfingers did require some napalm....
But it's not as if any of the neighbors houses caught fire.....
The Fire Department had it all contained in almost no time flat.....
I have to go feed Evil.......
He keeps running over my boobs and eyeing the laptop.....
He's hungry and we wouldn't want him experimenting with the
taste of any of the keys.............
Typing is hard enough, flat on my can *LOL*, as it is!
Love you love you love you love you love you I do...................
Someone could have warned me that ya'll been comparing notes with P whilst I've been toiling in the adolescent-infested "Salt Mines".....
(I say salt mines because the hot flashes and night sweats make salt into a food group at my age---- da dum, da dum YOUNG age that it is) and now the bloody bird is BUZZING ME in my own home! Seriously ladies (and I use the term loosely lest my tongue be struck by lightning)! You'd think she was some kind of W.W.I flying ace! You should consider yourself warned that if she "bombs" me................
I'll be taking it out on you!....................
Be afraid.
BE VERY AFRAID!...........
I am bone weary........
The "bright eyes" and "bushy tails" belong to P and Luna (the Evil Chin) respectively and I'm reasonably certain that unless I can wire the hat up to my alarm clock so as to lift me bodily off my can (propellers remember?!) at dawn...... It's entirely possible that vertical will only be a state of my mind rather than an affect of my body!
Now you MUST think about the tune to "I Left My Heart In San Francisco"............
I................. LIKE MY CAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN
IN HORIZONTAAAAAALLLLLLLL.
FLAT ON MY ASS, TO WATCH TV.
WHEN I COME HOME....... TO HORIZONTAAAAAAL.......
MY SILLY PETS WIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL
WELLLLLLLCOMMMMME MEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The kids beat me up pretty bad today.
Then home to quick-tidy the house, grab a bite, hit the grocer
and go pick up my Sugarpuss. I really am back up at
dawn though and Christopher left a voicemail saying he
may be flying back in tomorrow night (because I REALLY
NEED a schedule that revolves like one of those department-
store glass doors) so I'm not entirely sure what the next few
days will hold...............
I'll get back as soon as I can..........
My heart and my smile miss you more than you know.
And I most assuredly DO NOT bring it on myself Missy Sybil!!!!
............. Right?!!!!
Cause, really, no one could say that I'm not the soul of propriety!
That I do NOTHING whatsoever to incite any kind of misbehavior or acting out........
I did, after all, bury the embers of the rhodie and pressure wash
the bird-bath....................
Ok, maybe the last of the ladyfingers did require some napalm....
But it's not as if any of the neighbors houses caught fire.....
The Fire Department had it all contained in almost no time flat.....
I have to go feed Evil.......
He keeps running over my boobs and eyeing the laptop.....
He's hungry and we wouldn't want him experimenting with the
taste of any of the keys.............
Typing is hard enough, flat on my can *LOL*, as it is!
Love you love you love you love you love you I do...................
Replies
Ha Ha Sybil...did you say something bad to Teach? Now I know I am tired but did Janine say that she beat the grocer with the kids? And she is sicing poor P on people? No wonder Evil is trying to eat the computer keys! It sounds to me the Looneys are taking over the den.
Now as far as using the hat to get up at dawn...you tie a string to one arm of the propeller and the other end to your finger. You place a glass of water on the headboard of your bed. You tie a string aroun the glass of water and to one of the other propellers. When your alarm goes off you reach for the shut off, the propeller turns and the water glass dumps. There you are up for the day...cranky...but up for the day.
My personal opinion is you should lock Evil and P up in the office. By the time Evil gets done chasing P around the room all day P will be too exhaused to dive bomb anyone AND her virgin eggs will be put to better use teaching Evil manners.
Now a suggestion for feeding Evil on those nights that you just cannot get up off the couch...a hat inside the door with a stainless steel bowl attached to the top. As you strap the hat on and close the door..Evil\'s food dumps into the bowl. When you sit on the couch Evil can eat off your head. Seems expediant to me.
Well I shall drag my tired body across the room, fall uncerimoniously onto the bed close my eyes and lapse immediately into unconsciousness. Social Security Disability came in today so I am going to buy a pack of chewing gum tomorrow and I really need my rest!
quite melodic... soul of propriety... hmmmmm I\'ll put that in the tall tales contest... Janine... no one is going to believe it about any of us... hmmmmmmm another Tyra moment... \"so what\" if my thighs slap together as I walk down the hall... that was one of my favorites... and so what if I\'m not exactly a \"lady\" all the time... thinking of some of the members of the female gender that I have known down through the years... I think that might be something to celebrate.... We should all watch Cats again... I didn\'t like that musical the first time I saw it... but it grew on me... of course we would all want to be Esmerelda... midnight... all alone in the moonlight... Hugs Elissa
I want to know WHO has the flying poopers? Who congugates Penis? Who hosts the Hatter\'s party? Who get arrested continuously? Who murdered the fish farters by sand blasting them into oblivion? Who ruined the Rhodie? Elissa at least recommended a dignified outhouse. I should think the ladyfingers could have been used as a walkway of sorts. AND who had the piano removed? Sigh! We innocents get blamed for everything! It is so hard being a scape goat....
My Darlings........
NO ONE with a gold-plated, hand engraved invitation to the social gathering of the season (that would be a \"Hatter\" party for those of you who need a reminder) could EVER be regarded as \"innocent\" of anything! I say that with the greatest of solemnity and sincerity of course as The Hatter is nothing if not pious and humble to within the inth degree of her life!
Now away I must go as I am in the process of being hoist by my own petard (as it were) off the great sofa of life so I can go drown my sorrows (in the SHOWER for goodness sake!) before returning to the adolescent salt mines of my life............
Waaaah!!!!!!
I want to play with my garden buddies!..............
and the piano had to be sent out to get restrung. What the hell did you people do to it and who\'s going to pay for it??????
Did you say you\'d just gotten a check Kat?
On the other hand......... If it\'s from our govt.............
I hope you\'re looking for your gum in the expired aisle!
Oh and E............ Trust me when I tell you that the LAST thing you want to know anything about is what The Hatter does \"alone in the moonlight\"!!!!
Not to worry I got the piano bill....I sold the neighbor\'s cat!
I must defend this lady\'s honor! I am as innocent as the sacred virginal eggs of P! The Hatter retained me as milliner to the Royal Court and thus I designed some festive hats along with other milliners...perhaps assisted in some mayhem in the course of my job duties but I was most certainly coerced....the alien birds were in total control of the entire fiasco. I am certain this was an attempt to overthrow the Hatter by oppositional rogue forces...I saw one of them wearing a gas mask in the garden and then they came by the bus load whilst the Hatter was off on a foreign tour. Yes, I am innocent!
I too must protest. My innocense is epic in proportion to the sacred Alice! I simply sit and grin! I have little to do with the roudy concerns of the fish farters, the allien birds, or the gardner with the gas masks. The bus load of people were introduced along with Edward Scissorhands by that innocent looking person in the corner, Kimmie. I did however sell the neighbor\'s cat...but in my defense it was necessary to retrieve the piano. The plaster in the pool, while accidental certainly cannot be attributed to any evil thoughts on my part. I believe all can see that Sybil and I are the most innocent of the lot.
Sidebar, Your Honor...we would like to introduce this poem as further evidence of the guilt of the alien birds in the alleged incidents thus clearing Ladies Kat and Sybil of any malicious acts...other than perhaps some anecdotal fashion faux pas.
The birds they did swoop,
They flew in a loopty-loop,
Up the eaves they did poop,
Then the Hatter did scoop.
She sandblasted the dish
And killed the farter fish
And on the poor Rhodie
She really got grodie
The conjugation she ordered
We did try to water
And with all that
She kept the aviator hat.
She made fun of my tutu
And somebody\'s mumu
Then we waited one day
So we all could play
But she deserted us for work
So we just had to lurk
And the alien birds
Dropped huge smelly turds
And the odor they spread
Filled all with great dread
So home did we fly
With fear in our eye
Till filled with trepidation
We were called to the station
And did we complain or pout
NO! we bailed Lori and Janine out.
You girls are a hoot I wasn\'t tryin to be a snoot I just sat in the corner Like Little Jack Horner. I caused NO malice It was that damned ole Alice They said to go ask her But she ran so much faster Than a Munchkin like me I\'ve short legs you see That Alice can run fast Now my leg\'s in a cast So I\'m back in the corner Like Little Jack Horner Quiet as a mouse Has Elissa left the out house??? I\'ve got to go pee And I\'m not diggin up the Rhodie!! I\'m innocent I say I did nothing that day. Your attention to this matter Should be directed to the Hatter Shs said she\'d be the chaperone But she never came home We waited for the bus Till we started to cuss Then in came the ring Janine and Lori told Kat what to bring So off to the station she went With her nose quite bent Yes she did bail them out Now they\'re cleaning her grout You see I caused no malice Don\'t believe me? Go ask Alice!
I personsonally think Alice smokes pot~
AND poor \"P\" either has or wants to get it on with the alien pigeons and the poor Evil moon doggie has very good reason to swat at things that go bump in the night. Problem is it was US!
I think you\'re right about Alice, she\'s been to the palace. I noticed her eyes, when we said our goodbyes. They sure were aweful red, and she was munchin on bread. Then down the hill I went rollin, that\'s how my leg got all swollen.
She left me there squallin, so up the hill I went crawlin. Back to that smolderin Rhodie, where Lisa was gettin quite grodie. But I couldn\'t get her out, so I went to the corner to pout.
Did anyone ever see a hairless cat? Janine\'s neighbor had one. I really thought I was getting rid of some incriminating evidence but found it was worth the price of getting the piano out of hock. Besides who would leave a hairless cat roam around a yard with dive bombing pigeons?