I've had a strange feeling of unease for the last number of days............ I don't seem to be angry, or too terribly sad....... not especially frustrated..........
except perhaps by this feeling itself; and my inability to name it or connect it to something I can understand. It's just this vague sort of discomfort. As if something unsettling is coming although I have no idea what it could be............
............. and ironically enough, I'm not even sure that whatever it is will have that great an impact on me personally........
On the other hand.........
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean
they're not after me!
*this is the part where she wanders off into the distance, muttering under her breath and looking to find out who the voices in her head belong to......*
;o-))
except perhaps by this feeling itself; and my inability to name it or connect it to something I can understand. It's just this vague sort of discomfort. As if something unsettling is coming although I have no idea what it could be............
............. and ironically enough, I'm not even sure that whatever it is will have that great an impact on me personally........
On the other hand.........
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean
they're not after me!
*this is the part where she wanders off into the distance, muttering under her breath and looking to find out who the voices in her head belong to......*
;o-))
Replies
It is at times like these I particularly like to do something bad....like glueing the top on the cookie jar or giving out water pistols to the youngest three grandchildren or taking my mom to the casino and not telling anyone where we are going. It might not still the unease but I sure have fun doing it~
Not to sound like one of those people who just developed a new interest, and then suddenly sees everything in that light and expects everyone else to likewise do so, but....the ACOA theory says that virtually all people who were raised by an alcholic parent(s)live with this vague feeling of impending doom, as though waiting for the other shoe to drop. It\'s like you say, we are paranoid and with GOOD REASON! That\'s because while growing up, even during periods of calm, we knew that the volcano was going to erupt eventually...and so the feeling that something bad was going to happen was in fact CORRECT. Once we grow up and get out of the line of fire of the offending parent (at least directly out of the path even though the patterns of interaction can and do continue), that feeling is still programmed within us, and so even though we know logically that dad isn\'t going to burst through our door at any minute in a drunken rage (that really WOULD be scary in my case given that my father is deceased!), the underlying feeling that we are so used to having doesn\'t just disappear. It is still there, only now we don\'t know what to attribute it to. Pretty wild, huh? This explanation really hits home for me, and just by knowing WHY I often have this overall anxious feeling for no apparent reason, goes a long way in keeping me sane. We\'ll have to get into some long discussion some time, reminiscent of last winter. That\'s why I like winter so much...easy to justify just sitting around shooting the breeze! I\'m still just doing a little here, a little there, trying to keep myself from drowning in obligations, deadlines, cat care and must do yardwork. Keep it coming, for I enjoy your entries. Peggy
The voice is mine! Can\'t you hear me saying \"Hey, Janine! What\'s up with you\"? How are you and how\'ve you been? It\'s me...your midwestern Sis! Still here...just not spending as much time here either. Maybe as Elise said it\'s \"writers block\". A brain fart perhaps? Maybe we need to take a short break, who knows??? I\'m just glad you\'re ok.
I love you Sis...and miss you so much!
XXXXXXX
FL