Hello my Sweetface Girl........
It's been a long time since I've written and it breaks my heart that you might think I've been missing you less, or going a day without thinking about you, or that you might suspect that because I don't cry every day on the way to work............. that I'm not crying at all.......... And none of that is true.
I can't miss you less because the hole in who I am without you will never be filled...... There is a part of me that left with you baby Molly.... and I don't want it back because then you'd be where you are without me, like I'm here without you....... the thought of which is more than I can bear.
The time that passes between when I think about you and when I think about you again....... well it can't be measured. Because every day I find something new that makes me think about you and not just once per day either........... If it's a bad day at work, I want to come home and lay down on the floor so you can climb all over me. If it's a good day......... I want to come home and lay down on the floor with you too. Whenever there's a delivery or I come across a cardboard box.... I think about you playing in it and on it and where would I put it in "MollyWorld" to give you something new to explore and play with....... You were so smart, you just wore through things so fast cause you were always one step ahead of me and everyone/everything else. I wonder if you would be riding around, settled onto my shoulder by now? Would you sit in the hood of my jacket...... could we go visiting? Would I be taking you with me for practice runs in the car, working up to where you'd get to go pick-up our Sugarpuss from daycare with me? You were smart enough for it.......... was I?
I cry still Midget......... I cry when no one knows, or sees.......... I cry in my heart and in my soul and in all the places you will live in me forever........ even though you are not here at my side where you belong.........
I cry and I watch and I wait and I wonder......
......... I wonder if you will come back to me in this life; or will I have to wait for another......
I love you Molly. I love you and I miss you and I still don't know how I will ever manage without you.
It's been a long time since I've written and it breaks my heart that you might think I've been missing you less, or going a day without thinking about you, or that you might suspect that because I don't cry every day on the way to work............. that I'm not crying at all.......... And none of that is true.
I can't miss you less because the hole in who I am without you will never be filled...... There is a part of me that left with you baby Molly.... and I don't want it back because then you'd be where you are without me, like I'm here without you....... the thought of which is more than I can bear.
The time that passes between when I think about you and when I think about you again....... well it can't be measured. Because every day I find something new that makes me think about you and not just once per day either........... If it's a bad day at work, I want to come home and lay down on the floor so you can climb all over me. If it's a good day......... I want to come home and lay down on the floor with you too. Whenever there's a delivery or I come across a cardboard box.... I think about you playing in it and on it and where would I put it in "MollyWorld" to give you something new to explore and play with....... You were so smart, you just wore through things so fast cause you were always one step ahead of me and everyone/everything else. I wonder if you would be riding around, settled onto my shoulder by now? Would you sit in the hood of my jacket...... could we go visiting? Would I be taking you with me for practice runs in the car, working up to where you'd get to go pick-up our Sugarpuss from daycare with me? You were smart enough for it.......... was I?
I cry still Midget......... I cry when no one knows, or sees.......... I cry in my heart and in my soul and in all the places you will live in me forever........ even though you are not here at my side where you belong.........
I cry and I watch and I wait and I wonder......
......... I wonder if you will come back to me in this life; or will I have to wait for another......
I love you Molly. I love you and I miss you and I still don't know how I will ever manage without you.
Replies
As you said we don\'t miss them less... for me I have found solace in the knowledge that for me Cara is still here... just in a different form... if I\'m delusional... so be it... I\'ve talked to too many people who\'ve been on this journey far longer than I... you live, you love, you laugh, and you miss them and that\'s part of love... wouldn\'t give love up so I\'ll deal with this one day at a time.
Regarding being \"delusional\" that\'s just one of those terms that people use when they don\'t see what you see. I have been through this before with Janine: I am convinced that my cats come back to me in other forms, ie their \"reincarnated soul\" comes back in another cat. I put those two words in quotes because I don\'t know myself exactly how it works, but I know there is some presence that has to do with the former cat. I have no shame in declaring this belief of mine to other people and if they give me any indication that they think I am out of my mind, then I challenge them to prove that it ISN\'T the previous cat\'s reincarnated soul. If they don\'t back down, I go into my spiel about how it\'s actually more logical that it would be than that it wouldn\'t be (for example, all of the so- called coincidences that brought the new cat to me). If they still don\'t back down, then I get all scientific and that then shuts them up every time! I believe you that Cara is still there. And I am actually a very logical person. Next time someone tries to make you believe that you are delusional, tell them to give you just ONE PIECE of evidence to prove that you are wrong.
I lost a close Uncle just this past week. He was actually an Uncle to my Ex but we (he and I and his entire family)always had and continued to have an excellent love and respectful relationship. I even drove to Florida to see him after my divorce. He was a wonderful, loving, compassionate and kind man with a delighful and sometimes dry sense of humor and I am priveldged to have had him in my life for 25 years. A couple of weeks before he passed away he \"came to me\". Although I was asleep I am totally convinced that he and I were together and that he wanted to see me, hug me and give me his loving \"last words to live by\". He was smiling and happy and had to say good-bye. He ran his hand across my cheek and through my hair brushing it back away from my face. \"I love you Sweetie, be good\", he said. I answered with \"I love you too Uncle _______, and thanks for taking time to spend with me. Safe travels.\" I later found out he had had a stroke (one of many) and was in a coma. He never came back out of it. He\'s here with me now and I know he always will be. Please read my journal for more. I love you Sis...and as always am thankful for you.